Nightmare | Dream ✔️

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚂𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢 𝙵𝚒𝚟𝚎

My heart races in my chest as I stare down at the ground, tears in my eyes as I do so. It's been a few days since everything happened and I spoke to Anna to get her advice yet it still felt like yesterday.

I had wanted to call Hannah but still didn't want to bother her so instead, when I had finished streaming that day where I had ended it almost immediately with the excuse of something had happened, Anna took me to lunch. She is a great friend and we sat and talked, just the two of us, for hours about what could be happening and eventually she bought me the test from a little corner store. She promised not to tell anyone, especially Clay and that she have her phone on her at all times and would be there for me when or if I needed to call her again.

My eyes travel away from the floor as I take a small breath, followed by a hiccup. I take a deep breath and wipe my face before reaching up and grabbing the small device.

"Oh," I whisper to myself, my voice getting caught in my throat as tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I hear the front door to our apartment open and then close but don't make any chance to move. "Oh no," I say to myself, grasping the small device tightly.

"Baby," Clay's voice came from the front of the house and I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. I can hear him putting bags down on the kitchen counters. "River?" He repeats my name, realizing that I hadn't said anything back to him. I hear him start to walk through the house, stopping in front of the bathroom door. "Is everything ok?" He asks very gently from the other side of the door and I try to answer but can't. "Can I come in there please?" Clay asks and I can't make any real words but I manage to make a small noise which he takes as a yes. "Hey, oh, hey." He says when he opens the door and quickly comes down onto the ground with me, concern in his eyes as he sees that I'm trying to myself. "What's wrong?" Clay asks and I shake my head no because I don't want to say it out loud yet or at all to be honest. I met his eyes and offer him the device which he takes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to him and he pulls me into his chest after reading it a second later.

"Hey, its alright," Clay tells me as he holds me tightly and I hide my face in his shirt so he won't see me this much of a mess. I don't know what to do and I might have just ruined both of our lives. "Riv, it's nothing to be sorry about,"

"I'm not ready," I say but my voice sounds foreign as I shut my eyes and hide in his chest, wanting to hide from everything except him including myself. "We aren't ready." I correct myself because this could very well ruin his whole career which he worded so hard for and it was all my fault.

"We can do whatever you want," Clay tells me softly, rubbing small circles on my back and I bite my lip slightly, the pain slowly bringing me back to my senses. "We don't have too,"

"No." I cut him off and look up at him. The look in his eyes says that Clay doesn't want to do anything to harm them but the look in his eyes also tells me that his going to be ok with what I chose to do. "No, I want," I try to say the words but it's such a foreign idea, I never thought that this would happen and it's my fault for being so dumb. "I'm too young, we are too young to have a," I try to go on but I start crying and can't manage to get anything out. Clay cups my face in his hands so I'm looking up at him and I see that he also has a sort of scared but also strong look in his eyes as he looks down at me.

"It's ok," Clay tells me, keeping me from going on with my babbling. He kisses my forehead and lets me bury my face into his chest again, tears still coming down my face as he wraps his arms around me. "We can figure this out, ok?" He tells me but I can also tell that he is trying to figure out what to do in his mind. I know that he will be able to figure something out because he nearly always has a logical way to go about something but right now neither of us know what to do. We are both lost because we never would have expected this to happen yet. Sure, we wanted kids in the future but right now? At the peak or upcoming peaks of both of our carriers, we weren't ready for another life to take care of. "We will figure this out." Clay says breaking me out of my thoughts sounding slightly more confident as he looks down at me, his eyes quickly going from my stomach where there is a new life slowly forming there and then to my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I mutter because I can't help but feel like it is my fault and Clay shakes his head, cupping my face again so I keep looking at him.

"I love you River," Clay whispers and kisses my forehead softly before lean into his touch and hide my face in his shirt. "I love you and we are going to figure this all out." He tells me calmly and I nod a little, feeling exhausted from crying and panicking so much that came with the news within the last hour or so.