𝐞𝐬𝐭. 𝟎𝟏𝟎 { Happiness is Foreign to me }

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"𝙸𝚝 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚔, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚒𝚝."
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𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐞'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕

It was Monday and classes had officially begun. It was obvious by the bustling hallways filled with chatter of students and lively campus. I was glad to say the least. This extra free time was only causing me agony.

My alone time wasn't filled with peace and tranquility as some described it. It was where thoughts ran rapid in my mind of all the things I needed to change about myself.

Things I didn't want to change. But I had to.

After getting home late last night, Vic nearly fainted after revealing I made out with Sinclair. She did  faint when I told her I also got his number. That girl is the definition of dramatic.

She insisted we call him the second I got undressed. Could she have sounded any more desperate. I wasn't calling him at all knowing all to well that it would only blow up in my face. The last thing I needed right now was a fling. But that wasn't what was deterring me.

Something was missing last night. Some people call it a spark, a feeling of fulfillment or just plain happiness. I felt neither and I blame my inadequate experience in this field of relationships and love.

I didn't feel that dying connection you were supposed to feel kissing someone for the first time. Is it strange that I wanted my first boyfriend to be my last? What was the point of dating if you didn't see a never ending future with them.

If they weren't the reason you wanted to keep waking up every morning.

I walked into my final class of the day, which was English Honors with Professor Okoye. As everyone took their seats, handed to us was the class syllabus. The packet was heavy in my hand, which made me silently groan.

My eyes traveled across the room in hopes of finding a seat in the middle corner, where I would be close enough to to hear but not where I would be easily noticed. So far I've gotten a few glances and silent squeals from strangers. Nothing too major. I was used to it. But I also wanted school to be my escape.

Scanning the rows one by one, I see Stone sitting in all his hot glory in the very back. I hadn't seen him in two days but I could tell something was noticeably different. He didn't look as put together as he did at the last session or in the car driving back up here.

Something changed.

We barely muttered two words to each other the rest of the way. Instead Kelsey ranted about some new designer clothing coming out in a few weeks that she needed to get her hands on. Finding out those two were related definitely surprised me. They looked nothing alike. Not even a single trait which I found weird.

Today instead of his usual leather jacket a school varsity sweater covered his built body. Next to him was Miles who seemed to be playing a game on his phone, while trying to show an annoyed looking Zach.

They were friends. You could easily tell by Miles closeness and ability to shrug off Zachs rude demeanor. He barely looked at Miles in all these few minutes but never pushed him away. Like he was used to him getting in these moods.

As if he knew someone was staring at him, his eyes glanced up and met mine. His stone cold stare had chills running down my spine. But just like last week I couldn't look away. Miles glances up for a few seconds and after noticing me, he waves wildly insisting I come sit with them.

Definitely not

Clearing my throat and pushing a few strands of hair behind my ear, I nod no and begin heading towards an empty chair in the corner of the room.

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