𝐁𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐞 [COMPLETE]

𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

"𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛."
~~~
FIVE YEARS LATER

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐞'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕

How does one become numb to loss? grief?

It's gradual. A feeling that overwhelms just as much as it immobilizes you.

I know all of it firsthand and it settled deep when I buried my mother two years ago after she overdosed just days before being admitted to rehab again. The suffocating pity when others look at you with sorrow ingrained into their stare. The gut-wrenching fear that no matter how much time passes it will all just hurt the same. And lastly, the regret that eats you alive up until no emotion is left spiraling around your heart.

You don't know numbness until you lose a parent.

I'm not sure what my boyfriend next to me is feeling or thinking at this moment. I just know if I could take just a fraction of his pain away, I would, without a second thought.

I found myself straightening his dress shirt collar beneath his midnight wool trench coat. Snow blanketed the emerald grass and continued to fall endlessly around us, a snowflake stopping on his perched nose. He's too distracted to notice I've been staring at him for the past two minutes, worried about his obvious silence.

I comb his untamed hair back with my fingers to make him look at me. "Are you sure you want to do this? I can wait in the car for as long as you need."

My eyes sweep over his emotionless expression for an answer, a hint of reluctance or anything in between. He's as blank as the walls we have back home.

"I want you to meet her." Zachariah begins softly, before glancing down. "I want you both to meet her." His gentle hand cradles the swollen bump underneath my coat, rubbing gently.

I instantly feel a hard thump below my belly button. Zach's eyes light up like the sky on July fourth. It amazes me how quickly she managed to put a smile on his face without even being born yet.

"Did she just—" Zach trails, his eyes widening a fraction.

"She must've heard your voice. I think she knows when you're here." My lips tug up into a smile of my own. Our little one was particularly shy, she never showed her face on the ultrasounds or moved around inside me a lot, so when she did and Zachariah wasn't traveling for work it made us both happy to experience these moments together.

"I'm ready." He sounds much more confident, lacing our fingers together. The simple action sends a bolt of electricity right through me. Zach leads us through the memorial ground occupied with rows of dull gray slabs of stone. Some graves were recently decorated with colorful bouquets, offerings, and even small handmade art trinkets.

I navigate through the unfamiliar dirt path making sure to memorize every turn we take. Zach visits his mother often. Sometimes I stay home and give him space to talk to her alone. Other times when I know he's had a hard couple of days, I tag along and just sit in the car so he's not completely isolated.

Today was the first time he's ever asked me to come.

Our footsteps come to a permanent stop at a grand, well-kept tombstone. There's a tiny crest circle in the center with a small picture of a woman smiling from ear to ear. The resemblance between her and Zach is uncanny. They share the same shaded gray irises and wavy black hair. The written engraving reads Beloved mother, Wife, Aunt, and Sister. Aubrey Esmeralda Stone-Cruz.