Until My Heartbeat Stops

Companionship

Dixie knocks on Noah's door.

"Hey." She says when he opens it.

"I'm going to walk Cali, do you wanna come?"

"Yea sure." He grabbed a jacket before closing his door.

"Hey so what realization did you come too?"

Dixie asked when they were outside. Noah didn't really answer just looked at her.

"In therapy today." Dixie said elaborating. "You said you came to a realization that change the way you viewed our relationship."

"Yea I did."

"Well I was just wondering what that was."

"It's nothing really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes."

"Is it bad?"

"No I just... Mads help me realize how much of a hypocrite I was being."

"Ok, and how are you being a hypocrite?"

" I just realize that I shouldn't be mad at you for something I've done in the past."

"You cheated and Lorelei?"

He nodded once.

" was it bad? Did you apologize after?"

"Dixie you really don't wanna here this."

"Yes actually I do."

"Back then I was a bad person I didn't-"

"Noah you weren't a different person you had a different mindset, that doesn't mean that mindset can't come back."

"Dixie."

"I"m not mad I just want an answer."

" I cheated on her four times."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"I mean what did she do to make you feel like you had cheat on her."

"Dixie I really don't want to-"

"Please Noah."

He took a deep breath, breaking than mending their eye contact.

"It was companionship, our relationship was built on broken trust. 95% of the time we were yelling or crying or telling each other why we hated being together, but the other 5% felt like heaven, we were in love. However during that 95% I needed something, I needed to feel needed. We cheated on each other, at times The only thing we would crave was making sure the other hurt, wanting them to feel pain. We both knew it was messed up, but at the time we had no one."

"Noah-"

"I don't want your pity or your-"

Dixie pulled her boyfriend into a hug.

"I love you, and I understand where your coming from."

"Really?"

"Really."