Until My Heartbeat Stops

Know the song by heart

Dixie wasn't mad at him. She knew everyone grieves differently and that he was yelling at her because he was mad at himself. Charli was the same way when they lost their dad.

"This is your fault," Charli said in the hospital waiting room.

"What? What did I do?"

"What did you do? You always hated dad and now look he's dead are you happy?"

"Charli I-"

Dixie was taken aback by her words. She loved her father even if she didn't approve of all his actions or didn't show it in the most confection way possible.

"I know you hate him.. but he was my dad too-"

"Charli I love my father in what world would I not."

"Apparently this one." She said annoyed.

"You didn't like that Dad had rules he didn't take your bullshit like Mom does."

"That's not fair."

"You don't want to start "fair" with me, our entire life is unfair."

"You can't turn this on me Charli, it's not my fault it's his. This is exactly what he wants for us to blame ourselves for something he did to himself."

"DIXIE STOP!" She yelled and everyone in the hospital stared.

"STOP TRYING TO CHANGE REALITY, WHAT IS IT YOU DONT WANT TO COME TO TERMS WITH WHATS HAPPENING! OUR DAD IS DEAD AND YOU MAKING IT SEEM LIKE ITS OKAY ISNT HELPING SO PLEASE STOP!"

Dixie didn't say anything after that. They just sat in silence.

Dixie sat in the hotel for what felt like days. She hadn't meant to come off as over-barring or smothering. She just wanted to be their for him as much as possible.

Noah felt... actually he didn't know what he felt. He was mad at himself for yelling at the girlfriend he loved more than life. He was mad at Dixie for being to pushy. He's mad at Nate for leaving him, he's mad at—"

His thought was interrupted by his phone ringing. It was Mads. She had told Noah she would call after the funeral.

"Hey." Mads said on the other end when he finally picked up the call.

"How you holding up." She said when he didn't respond to her greeting.

"I'm okay, might have fucked up with Dix though."

"What did you do now?"

"I yelled at her."

"Oh my- Noah! Why?"

"I was upset okay I didn't mean to. I was just sick of her talking about it."

"What was she talking about?"

"What do you mean?"

"What was she saying to you when you started yelling at her?"

"She just asked if I was okay. She was saying sorry and-"

"Your such an asshole."

"Madison."

"Noah I'm sorry that your friend passed away- okay I really am I know how close you two were. But that doesn't give you the right to treat the people who are alive and here for you like shit. Go apologize to her."

"I don't think she wants to see me right now."

"I don't care go try... now!"

"Okay okay." Noah hung up the phone took a long breath and started walking through the sand back to the hotel.

When he finally got to the door he paused. He wasn't sure what was going to come out of this conversation and he didn't like that he couldn't predicate anything. Dixie was unpredictable.

He slide his card through the handle and the green like shined indicating the key gave access to the room.

Dixie was sitting on the bed when he arrived. She was on her phone minding her own business.

"Hey uh- can- can we... you know.. can we talk?"

"Hey.. yea, yes of course."

"I just want to say sorry." Noah began as Dixie put her phone down. Scooting on her knees to meet Noah at the end of the bed.

"I didn't mean to lash out at you. I just- I- I- uh."

"You what?" Dixie asked knowing the answer but wanting to here it from him.

"Uh- nothing." He said this time not looking her in the eyes.

"Come on Noah, talk to me. I've been through this twice okay. I know what your going through, I know what your feeling just let me in. I can help. I know that you feel guilty because you keep thinking about all the opportunities you had to tell him how much you loved him. I know your feeling more lonely than you want to because your still learn how to fill the void he left. I know your scared of what feeling your feelings can do to you. I know Noah. I know you miss him."

He looked up to meet her eyes and his were watery.

"I'm never gonna see him again." He managed to say before the waterfall came and he fell into Dixies arms searching for comfort.
Dixie held him as they laid down on the bed. She stroked his hair. Told him how much she loved him. And kissed his forehead when he had fallen asleep.

Noah knew she loved him. This was just the first time of many that he was finally choosing to accept it.