"Vansh what are you doing? Leave me !!"
"Why should I leave you? I am your fucking husband and as far as I remember you didn't have any problem when that bastard was touching you. Then why now" He growled into my ear.
"He was not manhandling me like...
Whoever said that time heals everything is a liar. With time you will only learn to live with whatever your problem is. It's true that your pain will reduce but it won't go away. Similarly I have also accepted the reality and is living with it.
Many things changed in the last 6 months. I came back here and rented a small apartment for myself. Mama and Papa wanted to come with me but I didn't want them leave everything and come with me.
That day after Ma left my mother came to my room. I was disappointed at her for not supporting me and thinking about the society than her own daughter. It was awkward to begin with. But she came, sat beside me and took my hand in hers.
"It's not that I don't love you or I care more about the society. I didn't want my daughter live alone. I am scared that you will have to live alone whole life. But in all these things I forgot how you might be feeling. I am sorry my bacha, your mother's mind was clouded with many nonsense things. I only wanted you to have a happy life." She said while crying.
"Mama, I was not happy all these time. I just went the flow thinking that everything will be fine in some time. But no he was playing with my emotions. I don't want be like this, feeling unsure about what will happen now in my life. I know what I want in my life now and I want to be free. I want pursue my dreams which I have left behind. I want to live for myself. In all these things even if I will be alone without a partner I will be fine." I told her.
"But Dhwani, everyone needs a partner to share your happiness, sadness and every other silly things in your life. If not you will be all alone. Friends and family can be there with till an extent but a partner is not like that. He will be with you in your ups and downs." She said.
"Ma, Vansh was never there for me when I needed him. When I made up my mind about divorce suddenly wanted to be in my life which was very overwhelming for me. I would not lie that I didn't feel good, in fact I was so happy and even started liking that life too much that reality hit me like a thunder." I told her.
"Did Vansh ever misbehave with you?" She asked tensely.
"No, never! He isn't that type of person. He never made me like uncomfortable with his behavior or touch. But he have hurt me in the worst possible way."
"If this divorce is what is going to make you happy then I will be there with you. But promise that the minute you feel its too much for to handle you telling me or your papa. I won't tolerate if you hide something like this from us again." She told me sternly.
"Thank you Ma." I said emotionally and hugged her.
(Back to present)
From there everything went so fast. I filed the signed divorce petition and came back here from home. I can't take too many leaves from office so I had to come back sooner. Papa and Amith helped me to find a apartment on rental basis. I had some savings for paying the advance money but papa being papa didn't let me pay it. If it was in his hands then he would have bought the house for me. Thankfully he didn't do anything like that. He became so overprotective now.
He might be feeling guilty about my situation. But, I don't blame anyone for anything. It was meant to happen, if it didn't happen I would have grown like this. I would be that old naïve and innocent Dhwani. Now I can feel that I have became much more stronger, I can face everything with confidence now.
My relatives and all wondering how I am not sitting and crying acting all sad and depressed. Even though I am sad I don't want to them to know that. These days I got to know that I have more relatives than I assumed. My phone rings continuously that it have started to irritate and now my phone is always in silent mode. I don't want to feel and depressed like others want me to feel.
All these seems very different to me and I loving it. While I was young I wanted to start a new life, live alone in a flat, be free. Now I am living that dream but never had imagined that I will be living this life in these type of situation.
Whenever I feel like crying thinking about my life I just console myself saying nobody has right to make me sad other than myself so if I want to be happy then I only will have to take efforts. Papa and Amith kind of forced me to join dance class again and after lot of persuasion I joined classes. Now my Saturday evenings are spent like this. I can't that I am happy wholeheartedly but I will be soon.
I used to meet Vansh only during our counselling sessions other than I never saw him. Even though we met at times we never talked. He was hesitating and I never bothered to initiate a conversation. We meet talk with the counsellor and come that happens once in a month. Now only one last last session is left after our petition will be considered again and hearing will occur. Counselling is the toughest part of the month. Somehow I will survive it thinking that it will over soon.
I never looked at his after that day, I just couldn't what if my resolve breaks seeing his face? I won't lie that I never liked him, I started liking him at a point and maybe I still do. These stupid feelings are making things more complex. I don't how will I act if I interact with him again.
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Now I have some things to buy so I am in a mall. I went to dress section was going through some tops when I heard a familiar sound. I don't need to turn around and see who it is. But, still I did so. It was Vansh with Nidhi. I am looking at his properly for the first time in these months. His stumble is grown a bit. His hair is unkept, his eyes are surrounded by dark circles. Still he oozes the same handsomeness that he always does. From when did I start describing him? Maybe not seeing for this long might have done this.
His face clearly showing irritation which he is feeling right now. I am sure that Nidhi might have forced him to accompany her. And as usual she is least bothered. He was turning this side and before he could see me I turned to other side. I don't know how to behave if he sees me right now. Am I acting like a coward? I don't know. I just wish that god will give me enough courage to face him without breaking apart.
