Dream SMP Random One Shots

Tw: read if you give a shit

I'm sorry guys, no chapter. Just an update on me. I don't really have anywhere else to discuss this so it's going here.

I... my heads been fucked for a while now, but I was dealing with it. Dealing isn't the right word, more putting it off. Shoving it back, silently suffering in the middle of the night curled up in a ball of pain.

Kinda still do that last one but whatever.

That "coping" ended when my sister set me off. Locking me out of the house, dogs inside alone and scared and I'm outside for an hour in dangerous heat. When I got inside I flipped out, yelling at her before retreating to the basement.

And then staring at a stack of cans for an hour, my head pounding in pain and those thoughts were louder. Those thoughts I shouldn't have.

The ones that would ask me to run a knife over my skin, or sometimes my throat.

It started with scratching. Scratching until white hot pain seared my arm, until blood ran down my arm. It would silence my thoughts of death for a moment, all I could feel.

It scarred, but luck for my no ones ever gonna see that white tissue on my arm. I move to fast, don't stay by people don't trust people.

Even as a kid I wasn't the favorite, so I'm accustomed to my life without love. Never was a problem to shut off from the world.

... not just scratching anymore. Hasn't been for a while.

I'm not sure what to do about it. Supposed to be possibly getting medicated. I won't, father dearest won't agree most likely.

Even if he would I'm scared of it.

I've wrote this unplanned, this isn't me asking for help. Though I mean hey if you could fix me it's welcome lol. More likely than not I'll take this down in a bit anyway. It's a weakness, I shouldn't have said anything.

But I want to?