Home (Grey's Anatomy Series)

Homebound

Sitting in the middle of Dr. Barnes's leather couch surrounded by a couple of pillows, table lamps, and magazines staring at me from the coffee table. The windows were wide open, overlooking the hospital's courtyard and parking lot where most of the catering trucks were stationed. My cup of coffee sat in my lap, guarded by my hands as I stared at the vapor escaping the small opening from the lid.

Dr. Barnes had spent the first few minutes of our session filling out some paperwork sitting in his chair, occasionally glancing up at me as I looked around the room. Sleeves rolled up and his knitted vest tucked into his pants, he could've easily been mistaken for someone much older. 

"I mentioned the other day that we would need to do assessments and tests to accommodate our future sessions to any mental health disorders you might have. The test I am going to do today is called the Zung test...answer them with little detail. Most, good, some, and a little of the time are sufficient answers. Are you ready?"

"...I don't have much of a choice." I sighed.

"I feel downhearted and blue..."

"...a little."

"Morning is when I feel the best."

"Good." I sighed.

"My heart beats faster than usual..."

"...good."

"My life is pretty full..."

Watching him glance up from his notepad, my eyes were immediately drawn to the coffee table. The faces on the magazines quickly turned into the faces of the people I miss most in my life. 

"...a little."

"I am more irritable than usual."

"A little..." I sighed.

"Last one...I still enjoy sex."

Slowly peering my eyes through my lashes to look up at Dr. Barnes, they quickly flutter down to my coffee cup.

"...it's in between."

"In between what, Elena."

"...some and a little," I mumbled, quickly taking a sip of my coffee.

Hearing his pen scribble against the notepad, he wrote what seemed like a few words before setting aside his paper on the end table next to him.

"Did I pass?" I asked.

"...neither. You have little to no depression, which is surprising as you called yourself broken the day we met."

"Well, maybe that's just how I see myself sometimes..."

"Why?"

"...given what I've been through, there's nothing else that would describe my life." I sighed.

"Even now? With the diamond ring on your finger and the designer bag hanging on the coat rack."

"I said sometimes...and materialistic things don't count."

"Don't they? The ring has to mean something to you otherwise why would you wear it?" He mumbled, leaning to one side.

"...the way I see it, Elena. You're not broken, you say that you are and perhaps you've had moments where you feel completely low. But the life that you have and portray to everyone else, is that of a successful one. What I want to know, is what made you broken to think that, that is the way you should feel about yourself?"

Clearing the top page on his notepad, he was rested it across his lap with his pen tip pointed down.

"Why don't we start off at the beginning?"