BLOOD AND HEART

28 | HE BURNS DOWN HIS OWN KITCHEN

N    Y    X

.    .    .
I've been waking up alone
I haven't thought of him for days
I'll be honest
It's better off this way
.    .    .

It's been three days since Zayn and I talked. Three days without bickering with Zayn or waking up next to him. And in the last three days, I've noticed a lot of changes in Zayn's behaviour: he goes out every night and comes home very late, he's always pissed off, he's always shouting at others, and this is why Ace hasn't been around anymore. Ace had decided to move because of Zayn's rude behaviour, and he apparently has his own mansion, and yet he still stays with Zayn because he enjoys living with Zayn. Ace didn't stop talking to me even though he was living someplace else; he would call me every night and ask about my whereabouts and what was going on in the mansion. Ace also revealed to me that he had a dispute with Zayn, which was another reason for his being in his mansion. Ace was a dangerous mafia man but he also was a wonderful friend with a pure soul. And on the other hand, Hunter and Octavio were aware that I was the cause of Zayn's harsh behaviour, so they kept glaring at me whenever I spoke about anything. Hunter tried to talk to me about what had happened between me and Zayn and I told him everything and according to him, It's wasn't that big of a deal. I totally agreed with Hunter because Zayn and I didn't have a big fight but he was making mountain out of a molehill.

My heart sank when I heard that Zayn had been with someone else. Levi was talking about random stuff, and then he mentioned that he saw lipstick stains on Zayn's shirt and hickies on his neck. It hit me hard, even though I kind of expected it. I always knew Zayn had this side, but I never thought I'd actually see it. It's strange how my heart starts racing every time he's around, and the mere thought of him with someone else fills me with a mix of jealousy and sadness that's hard to explain.

I can't wrap my head around why I crave his attention so much, why his validation seems to matter more than anything else. There's a whole bunch of things that I can't make sense of, but one thing I'm painfully sure of is that Zayn doesn't give a damn about how I feel. He's a heartless guy who's oblivious to the impact of his actions.

I was disappointed but not surprised.

Zayn and I managed to avoid making eye contact during both breakfast and dinner. We maintained our usual spots, silently consumed our meals, and then made a hasty exit from the dining room. On the rare occasions when our paths crossed, we perfected the art of pretending the other didn't exist. It was as if we were two strangers sharing the same space, lost in our separate worlds, completely oblivious to each other's presence.

In those moments, I couldn't help but acknowledge that Zayn's priorities lay solely with his involvement in the Mafia. His life was a web of intricate connections and dangerous undertakings, leaving little room for him to care about any fallout from our ongoing feud. He had his life, his commitments, and I was left to grapple with my own emptiness. Unlike him, I lacked a consuming purpose, and that void seemed to magnify the intensity of our unresolved issues.

Amidst this emotional turmoil, Levi emerged as my steadfast pillar of support. He was the one who patiently listened to my rants, who offered words of comfort in moments of despair. His presence illuminated the darkness that had settled around me. In the chaos of my life, he stood out as the brightest beacon of unwavering friendship, the anchor that kept me grounded.

But the best part was that my rage was getting under control without medication. I was feeling normal, yet it was frustrating since my anger had been replaced by the fear of losing Zayn. I didn't want to lose him, even though he was a complete jerk to me but He saved my life not once but twice. He killed the lady who told my information to the Russians. Well, he did that for his benefit. Okay cut the last sentence, it's not included. So, as I was saying Zayn has saved my life twice, and I owe him a great debt of gratitude. Also, the mixed sensations of anger and aggravation, concern and care I felt for him were unlike anything I'd ever felt for anyone else. But I wasn't delusional; I wouldn't allow myself to develop feelings for someone who was nothing more than a jerk to me.