BLOOD AND HEART

62 | BETRAYAL BY OCTAVIO

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‘Am I a coward for walking out of the room without saying anything?’ I asked myself. ‘Yes, you indeed are a coward Nyx Coco Styles. You could have at least said something. Anything! rather than I need some air. As if the room was filled with carbon dioxide’ my subconscious said. I internally cringed. Why am I like this? I have read so many novels and watched so many movies, and series, and yet I couldn’t think of any response. I mean after spending so much time in the fictional world I had to be prepared for a time like this.

I wonder how all those characters come up with such a tremendous, heart-touching dialogue at the very moment. Even, in reality, people know what must be said at a given moment. I was just a dim-witted fool. When I was younger I always wished to be wise and wiser, the kind of person that other people would look up to. However, I very well know how to crush expectations. My past is a perfect example of how I have never stood up to anyone’s expectations or even mine. After going through so many disappointments and crushed expectations I have realised that expectations are so overrated and the more expectation you have the more disappointment you get. Also, this only works when your expectations are not fulfilled. If I should have worked on myself without having expectations I would have been fairly satisfied with myself.

Right now my priority must be sorting out what went on between Zayn and me. If I do I deep introspection then Levi and I were wrong. We shouldn’t have gone out knowing how harmful it can be for us. I not only put myself in trouble but I took Levi with me as well. I should have thought rationally. Levi is just a teenager, he hasn’t completed his schooling and I on the other hand—

Fuck.

No.

Fuck.

Oh no, this is not good. I agree, I hated school and college and at some point, I wanted to drop out of my college but I didn’t actually mean that to fucking happen. I was so blinded by the sudden change of environment that I didn’t realise I was still a student. I hadn’t completed my degree. I didn’t wanna be a dropout. If by any chance Zayn and others kicked me out of this mansion I’ll have nowhere to go. I have no money, no degree, and no job. I need to finish my studies, I have to earn money. I have to talk to Zayn about it.

But first I will apologise for my mistake and all the harsh things that I said to him. I must understand that being a mafia leader comes with a lot of obligations and yet he always puts his family first. His way of taking care of his family might be twisted but he deeply cares about them. He might be intense and infuriated sometimes but he tries to maintain his composure around us.

And about killing that guy, then again I need to understand that Zayn is used to killings and all. It’s relatively normal for him. But he can’t go around killing every guy, he needs to know his limits.

I have never done so much thinking in my entire life about someone who is not fictional.

Exiting the main balcony of the mansion, I decided to go to the kitchen for ice cream. I was still perplexed about what I was gonna say. Perhaps an ice cream would energise my insights. As I strolled down the stairs, I spotted Octavio standing at the end of the staircase.

Reaching over him I said “Hey”

“Hey, you alright?” He asked.

“Yeah, what would happen to me?” I said, “Are you alright?” I asked putting emphasis on ‘you’.

He looked away and replied unsurely “I’m good”

“Are you sure? If something is bothering you, so I’m here if you wanna talk about it” I said.