To meet your soulmate is to to surrender yourself completely. Bella Snow and Spencer Reid have been in love for years. They have been through everything together. They were made for each other.
And they knew they couldn't live if the other one sl...
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"I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control"
* * *
The cold emptiness of the large bed felt like tangible grief. Bella's tears watered the pillows like a watering can to flowers. She dreaded going to bed each night. She dreaded rolling up in the blankets and stretching her hand out, only to find that there was no one there. She was all alone.
The side of the bed that always smelled like coffee and books was gone. It now smelled like nothing. Bella would find herself going into Spencer's drawers, pulling out his sweaters, and trying to inhale the scent. She would pray that the smell of coffee would still be there. She never thought she'd ever long to smell coffee willingly. But, here she was.
Spencer's coffee mugs sat empty, getting dusty in the cupboard. Bella would occasionally take them out and stare at them. She would press her lips against the cold ceramic, imagining Spencer's lips there as well.
As she lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, she wondered if it was possible to have a happy heart again. Each day she felt like she was breaking more and more. Each day she felt like she was suffocating and no one was around to save her.
In her hand, she held a letter that had just come in the mail from Spencer, the ink thick and the paper crumpled and torn. It didn't matter, it was still beautiful to her. In fact, it was the most beautiful thing she had seen in a long time.
Bringing it up to meet her eyes once more, it felt like a python was tightening itself around Bella's heart. Her eyes filled with tears, making it hard to see as she went to reread the letter. She wiped them away, focusing back on the words in front of her.
My sweet Bella,
I never thought that I would ever have to write you like this. I never imagined it could ever happen. I quickly realized that good things are rare to find when we work in the job that we do. Bad things just always seem to happen. I hate that I can't talk to you. I hate that I can't hear your beautiful voice. I hope that my words are good enough.
I miss you with everything inside of me. I can't express how much I miss you. Every time I close my eyes, I think of you. Each time I wake up, I think of you. I think of your beautiful smile. I think of your kind eyes and your dimples. I think of the way that you used to close your eyes in the sun, tilting your chin up as if you were absorbing it. I think of the sound of your laugh and the warmth of your skin. I've memorized every inch of you, Bella. Sometimes I can feel it slipping away and I try to catch it. I never want to forget how many freckles you have. Or the lines on your palm.
Please hug Emma for me, please tell her that I love her. Please hold her a lot and sing to her. I know you don't like to sing, but she enjoys hearing songs. I miss her so much. I miss taking care of her. I miss being a father. Sometimes I'll have dreams about you both. We're on our hill and you have flowers in your hair. I scoop Emma into my arms before kissing you. It feels so real. I hate waking up because then I'm not there anymore.
