Opia / D.M 18+

L O G O P H I L E

{A lover of words}

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I woke up on the couch in Luis' dorm. The night before seemed to be a blur of tears that had somehow stained my cheeks. I stared at the ceiling that wasn't mine and thought back to everything that had happened over the past twenty-four hours. My eyes closed as I hated what I thought back to. 

I thought about the task, the mission that I completed to make sure no one got hurt. But Draco did get hurt, he held a scar across his face and I couldn't help but blame myself for it. I had endured a large scar across my abdomen and handed over a good man to one of the darkest wizards of our age. I thought about how I left Opal without a word, allowing her to sleep by my side only to wake up as if I was never there in the first place. I thought about how I cried at the loss of his touch, I hadn't even realised how much I had missed being able to breathe. I thought back to our conversation with Luis when we got back. We had told him everything, the mission, the wounds—he was our most trusted friend and everything was crumbling to our feet. 

We had given Luis every single detail we could remember, Draco told him about how he fought, and I had no idea how much I had missed when I went around the back. They were nearly ambushed, and if I hadn't of found Sirius beforehand—things could have been a lot worse. 

I stared at the ceiling that wasn't mine and waited for the sound of movement. I had barely gotten any sleep, how could I when so much had happened? My mind wouldn't stop working, my thoughts wouldn't stop thinking of all the different things that could have happened. I knew I was an over-thinker, I think and analyse every single aspect of my day to day life. When I lie in bed, I think of how things could have gone differently, I wonder about all the different things that could have been my reality. 

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep once more, but it was hard—so I just kept my eyes closed and pictured myself on that hill. On our hill. I hadn't been in so long, it seemed so distant. It held so many memories that wouldn't leave, but it also held the worst memory I would always think of. I remembered our nights out there, staring up at the sky. If it was raining, we embraced it, if it was cold, we embraced it too. We wouldn't let anything stop us from our time together, from the new memories we were creating. Every moment in our lives was another memory. The present was just an opportunity to make your memories memorable in the future. And we made sure those memories would never leave.

I felt my lungs expand to their full extent suddenly, and as my eyes were still held closed, I could feel his touch. He played with my fingers and whispered my name.

"I am so sorry, Amy." He whispered over and over, "I can't survive without you, Angel." Again and again, "I'm so sorry." I felt as he sat with his back against the couch, still fiddling with my fingers, "I know you closed the chapter, Amy. But I can't burn the book. Our book has so many memories that I never want to forget. You closed the chapter for the both of us, but I will never burn the book, Angel." His words stung, "I am so, so sorry my Angel." 

I wanted to tell him I was the sorry one. I had ruined us both by trying to protect him. I was ruining him further by not moving away. And I realised I never wanted to let go, I never wanted our chapter to end, and I was glad he never wanted to burn our book. We were hurting each other, and we both knew that. We both knew of the consequences, but I couldn't help but think that I was the cause of the disruption in our lives. 

Draco played around with my fingers, and I never wanted his touch to leave. He was still my home. He was still my life source—the very thing that allowed me to live and breathe. He was everything, everything that I needed to let go of before I damaged him further. He was my home, but I was the fire. I was out of control and I feared I would take him down with me.