Opia / D.M 18+

S E L E N O P H I L E

{A person who loves the moon}

✧✦✧

"Amy?" Draco's hand found my back.

I pulled away from Lupin with tears still sliding down my cheeks. It was hard, leaving my home, reliving the months I had spent in horror. My home was always my safe place, but I never wanted to return to that Manor ever again. It held so many memories I never wanted to relive. But it was so hard having to leave. I left Pucey inside my home, I left Blaise, I left Pansy. I left them all.

Draco wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pressed his lips to the top of my head. I could tell he felt bad for bringing me into this. I knew from the way he held me. He felt guilty for taking me so quickly and bringing me into a new life without any warning. 

I felt my heart skip a beat as I realised that Sirius was Potter's godfather, "Does anyone else know?" I asked Lupin quickly. 

"Know what?" Draco asked, confusion riddling his tone.

"No one but Tonks, Molly and I know," He confirmed. He must have seen my jaw begin to tremble as he stepped forward and placed a hand on my shoulder, "They all know it wasn't your choice, Amethyst. We all know he is manipulative and threatening. It wasn't your fault." 

"Please, dear Salzar will one of you tell me what you're talking about?" Draco asked as calmly as he could manage. 

"Sirius," I spoke in a hushed tone, trying to hide my devastation from him as I spoke. 

Draco had never once killed before—at least not to my knowledge. It does something to you. Not only casting the curse, but hearing yourself actually speak the words. Knowing that you succeeded, that you meant it. It tears you apart, and I knew that was what Potter was afraid of. I had been through it, I could still feel myself slowly deteriorating. But as you get used to the missing pieces in your soul, you barely recognise when more and more leave. 

Draco sighed as if he had only just remembered what I had done, "Charles, Blaise and Luis know too." He reminded me. 

My head lulled even further into his shoulder, as if the fact that more people knew only made my neck weaker. I groaned into his shoulder, muffling the sounds of my pain with the fabric of his jacket. I didn't want anyone to know, it didn't matter that I had no choice, I still did it. It was still my fault that Potter had no remaining family. But what they didn't see was the smile on his face when he realised I would release him from his pain. They never heard his please, his rasping breaths as he begged for death. Those memories were branded on the walls of my brain, and I would never forget them. 

"Amethyst-"

"You can't let anyone else know." I cut Lupin off as quickly as I could, "I can't have them all hate me for a choice I didn't get to make. They already hate me as it is—and they have no clue what I've done." 

"But that's exactly it—it was a choice that wasn't a choice at all." He tried to reassure me, "Amethyst, we all know his moves, we know how he threatens and violates those who turn their backs on him. Believe me when I tell you that your parents did everything in their power to protect you from him." He paused and looked to the ground, clearly thinking about whether he should tell me what he was going to or not. "Amethyst, you and your sister's lives were constantly at stake. Your parents did everything they could for the both of you. They gave up the location of one of our safe houses in order to keep the two of you alive."

"Little did they know that it would ultimately lead to their death," I spoke in a small retained voice. 

Lupin sighed a knowing sigh before looking at me once more, "They never imagined you would have to get the mark, and it was because of their disappearances that you did. Had they not been spies for the Order, you wouldn't be here. I can't tell you your life would have been better or worse, but I know you wouldn't be here."