KISS ME, CAPTAIN

Chapter 53

Content Warning: This Chapter contains intense violence, nudity, strong words, sensetive topics that traumatize and trigger some of the readers.

Roks Musket

I CURSED when my vision is starting to get blurry. I unable to see the surroundings and the outside environment clearly again. What the f-ck?

Don't tell me, I'll be back to the stage wherein
There's no light, no color, full of darkness— that sh-t made me feel isolated so many times in my life. That curse is undoubtedly awful and heartbreaking.

Kaya bakit unti-unti na naman ako nito binabalikan? Talaga bang hindi pa tapos ang pagpaparusa saakin?

This sht is never easy or comfortable when it come to visit me again and again. The presence of sorrow is always close at hand. Most of the time it appear without warning, out of nowhere, and end up making me feel scared, angry, disappointed, upset, and hurt. It kills me slowly. Bumabalik lamang ang mga alaala ko noon na pinagsisihan ko.

"Did you go to your monthly check up? I've heard 3 months ago pa last punta mo do'n?" I glanced at him when he entered my unit and went to tapped my shoulder.

I will forever hate going to monthly check up appointments. I'm so sick and it's really exhausting. Parang mas pinapamukha saakin na I'm now different—a weak one.

"How's your competition with Kristan? Did Reeve change her mind?" I asked to mislead and not to answer his question.

He sat in front of me. Tingnan niya 'ko na kunot ang noo. "How many times do I need to tell you that She's just my friend. Why would I compete with Kristan?"

Natawa akong umiling at nilagok ang mga natitirang alak sa baso ko. I'm about to fill my glass up a little more but the bottle runs out.

Iritado akong tumayo at kumuha muli ng isa pang bote ng alak at i-ilang yelo bago bumalik sa kinauupuan ko.

I raise my eyebrow when I looked at to Sizer because he's watching me with a sarcastic expression. "You're drinking again. Are you really killing yourself?"

I opened the bottle and fill my glass up first before I speak. "Yes." ngumiti ako at tinose sa hangin ang hawak kong baso.

"Here, just kill yourself now. Masyado ka ng bored sa buhay mo." inilahad niya ang isang baril.

Oh suddenly, I missed holding my own gun. I missed my old work. They took everything to me, nauubos ako.

"Do you want me to kill you first? Samahan mo 'ko sa libingan ko." kinuha ko ang baril at tinutok sakaniya.

He rolled his eyes. At mabilis na naagaw ang baril sa kamay ko na hindi man lang ako nakalaban. "In that state, mas una pa kitang mapapatay." nakatutok sa noo ko ngayon ang ulo ng baril.

Tinabig ko ang kamay niya. I sighed and gently massage my temple and just ignored him. "Hindi ka rin nag e-ensayo. You're the who's not helping yourself and yet you want to comeback in doing those mission?"

Hindi ko ito pinansin at lumagok muli ng alak.
"I'm not feeling well to train.."

"Are you still interested to get this Allejanos case?"

Natigil ako sa pag inom dahil naagaw niya ang atensyon ko. Hindi ako nagsalita at tinignan lang din siya pabalik.

"Oh, I caught your attention but yeah before you get that case see your doctor first."

How can I convince them? If I started to experience this sh-t again? Dang, the timing is incredible because it's always inconvenient with my plans, forcing me to stop what I'm doing or take another detour. F-ck it!