𝑹𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂 • yeonbin {BOOK 2} ✓

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°•𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 • suicidal thoughts•°

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𝑺𝒐𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒏 was still asleep, eyes closed and face as peaceful as ever. the red haired had brought him to his room after his conversation with queen rhea, not really ready to leave the younger just yet. yeonjun laid down next to the other, caressing the angel's soft cheeks while staring at his pretty features.

he was more in love than he wanted to admit.

the black haired seemed to hold too much on his hands, more than the king's heart, for sure, and maybe even his soul. yeonjun couldn't let himself think much about it though, not when it meant burying himself in pain when the fact he wasn't loved back would haunt him.

the king never asked for anything, he didn't ask his mother to not go, didn't ask for a second chance when his father disinherited him, didn't ask for seokjin to stay by his side, didn't ask for the council to stop exploring him, didn't ask for hyukjun to leave him and soobin alone, and wouldn't ask for the angel's love. it never bothered him, anything ever did, he would just accept it, the hate, the disgust, the rejection, but for the first time he wished it was different.

yeonjun wished with his whole being that the prince would love him as much as he did.

it was hard to know it wouldn't happen though. he didn't know why, the red haired didn't know what he had that was so bad or ugly to not be deserving of soobin's love. he was handsome, it couldn't be denied, he was powerful, way more than anyone alive, but maybe the problem was his insides. yeonjun thought he was already too rotten inside to be loved by someone, and maybe that was why everyone seemed to leave him.

if he had to hurt, then he would. if he had to lose, he would. if he had to suffer, he would. if he had to die, he would. it was something he realized with the time, it didn't matter how much he tried, how much he insisted, he would still hurt, still break, still lose. the male didn't seem to be able to just give up yet, though, maybe it was something he got from his mother, maybe just him being stupid and having baseless hope, but maybe it was everything he needed, including salvation.

yeonjun was worried, though. he was worried he wouldn't be able to take another lost. and considering the fact he was laying down next to someone he was bond to lose again, he was already embracing himself for the fall. he loved the angel too much to stay away from him though, too much to not think that torturing himself and breaking himself for being with someone who didn't feel the same, was worth it.

it didn't hurt as much as before, however. after the demon broke down, crying like a kid on taemin's arms, he seemed to accept the situation better. if soobin didn't love him, than he wouldn't love soobin. it was a hard task, a confusing one too, but he was willing to do it, willing to manage to have the angel and touch him without his heart getting in the way, without his heart beating too fast or feeling too warm. he could turn himself into an ice stone, he could bury his feelings and accept his faith, just like he had been doing all his life.

he would never be loved. that was it, that was what he had for him. a certainty just as big as his death.

yeonjun ran his fingertips under the prince's eye, tracing a way to his temple gently. soobin was probably the most beautiful thing he had ever met or saw. it was almost overwhelming how the taller could be so imperfectly created, with so many flaws, so many fears, so many scars and still being the exact definition of what perfection was said to mean.

the red haired didn't believe in many things, he was a cynical about most topics, but he somehow started to believe the male in front of him was the most precious person alive. he somehow started to think that soobin was a personification of salvation, of freedom, of hope. maybe it was his heart, maybe it was his broken mind, but he couldn't bring himself into not thinking that anything was worthless if soobin wasn't beside him.

and he hate it.

yeonjun hated feeling that way, because not only he wasn't loved back, he didn't have the same worth to the other, but he was king. he needed to have his kingdom as his first priority, he needed to honor the crown on top of his head, he needed to give his people what they deserved, he needed to be a good king, for ruby, for taemin, for his mother, for himself. and loving soobin, even if the prettiest thing he had inside himself, was getting in his way.

the demon got up, sighing before opening the glass doors of the balcony, the warm wind of heaven hitting his skin as he rested his elbows on the railing. he needed to go, to take care of his kingdom instead of watching someone sleep, to feel proud of his people instead of proud of having someone on his arms. yeonjun almost felt like making his death come faster.

it would be trading emptiness for emptiness, pain for pain, hate for hate. but he couldn't, not when he was a king, not when he wasn't sure his people would be in good hands.

"dan? why are you outside?" yeonjun closed his eyes when hearing the angel's soft voice, his mind melting in what felt like peacefulness with the sound.

"i wanted to take a look on heaven as a king. it's different from when you're considered nothing." soobin hummed, wrapping his arms around the older from behind and resting his cheek on his back.

"what do you think of it now? as a king."

it was a interesting question, one yeonjun immediately knew the answer. he thought heaven still didn't seem good, or pretty, enough to deserve soobin. he thought that even if considered the most beautiful kingdom, it still couldn't be compared to the angel. he thought that it was a way too close minded place for someone with such free soul as soobin.

"that your mother is doing a great job, so i need to do even better." the black haired smiled, he was proud of the demon for taking his role as a king so seriously. he knew no one could be as good as a ruler as the male was.

"you're already doing it, danny." yeonjun let out a breath through his nose, holding the prince's arm gently and turning around. he knew he was doing good as a king, but he wanted to give his people, and above all soobin, a way better place to live.

he couldn't say this specific words aloud, though.

"it's still not enough." the red haired smiled, placing a hand on the taller's cheek and caressing it softly. the angel's eyes shined under the blue hour dim sunlight, his skin getting kissed by the warm colors reflected by the sky and displaying him, again, as the most beautiful thing yeonjun ever saw. it was almost as staring at his own heart, soul and dreams, a single person carrying his whole understatement of hope.

he wasn't ready to lose soobin again. he didn't want to lose soobin again. he wouldn't take losing someone again.

he still would, though.

"it's more than enough, dan." the angel smiled, eyes turning into crescents and dimples adorning his cheeks. yeonjun felt like giving up on himself to be able to stare at the sight forever, he felt his breath getting stuck in his throat and his heart beating as fast as ever. he, for the first time, understood why people were so obsessed with the idea of heaven.

because heaven was the person in front of him.

his heaven, his paradise, his hope, his love, his angel, his home, his queen, his darling, his heart, his soul, his beliefs, his safe place, his favorite color, his masterpiece, his world, his life.

and above all, his ruin.

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