𝑹𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂 • yeonbin {BOOK 2} ✓

°•❁𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓❁•°

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°•𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 • mention of abusive relationship, self-deprecating thoughts•°

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𝑻𝒉𝒆 angel couldn't do it. he really wished he could, do everything he was thinking, and hoping, to do and be the night before, he wished he really could get everything he lost of himself again and pick his pieces alone, but he couldn't. soobin was too tired to do so, it was too hard, and he knew that even if he cried and cried until he hadn't anything left inside of him, he wouldn't heal.

yeonjun wouldn't be there, after all.

it was out of his hands now, took him time to realize he had a bigger attachment to the demon than he would think to have. soobin knew he wouldn't he able to be happy without the male, maybe some smiles here and there, genuine ones, but never what he felt when the red haired held him close and whispered sweet words to him. it was sick, if he was being honest, how yeonjun took his happiness away too as if taking his confidence and self acceptance wasn't enough.

soobin knew it wasn't on purpose, he knew the king wouldn't want to see him right now, curled up in the corner of his shower as hot water burned his skin lightly. he knew yeonjun wouldn't want to see him drowned in his own pain and self pity that he had swore was over days before. well, it was over, because now he felt even worse.

the black haired couldn't stop thinking about the older, he couldn't stop pointing out his own flaws in a helpless way of finding a reason for what happened. it was too overwhelming, suffocating and painful, the words he insisted in repeat to himself, words that were once told by someone else; victor. the dark skinned male always said he was useless, disposable, weak and even disgusting, reason why he needed to compensate for it, sitting without talking, obeying without complaining, taking without crying.

soobin started to feel glad for him and yeonjun breaking apart.

it would be a good sign if not for the reasons of it, because now he felt like he couldn't even touch someone like the demon anymore, not while being himself. yeonjun was right to end things between them, soobin could never be good enough, smart enough or strong enough, he was born and made to be used, to be a doll. he couldn't be queen, couldn't be the red haired's lover, couldn't be prince, couldn't even be an angel. he felt himself itch with the thought of being in his own skin, looking like he did, speaking like he did.

he needed to compensate like victor had taught him. he needed to be a perfect and pretty porcelain doll.

so, he couldn't cry.

soobin squeezed his hands into fists, gritting his teeth as he tried to stop his tears. his heart felt heavy and his mind seemed to scream to him something he couldn't understand, nor vocalize, though it was probably an ask for help. he got up from the floor slowly, supporting himself on the titled wall and slowly finishing his shower, doing every step like it took more energy than he ever used, because that's how it felt like. the angel cleaned his skin, spread shower oil on it, and took care of it until it was soft and scented by dahlias.

the male stepped out of the shower, drying his body before forcing himself into doing his usual routine, using body lotion and natural products on his swollen by crying face. he put a pretty pastel blue lingerie, that went prettily with his white wings, and sat in front of his table to do his makeup. he had a dinner after all.

the dinner was the whole reason of his breakdown actually, because yeonjun would be there. dahyun had came to him earlier, patting his head softly with a hesitant smile before telling him the demon would come for dinner as an official gather between two allies; heaven and hell. it was scheduled before they broke up, of course, but even if not, soobin hadn't told anyone what happened for him to be in his current state, so there was no possibility of rhea knowing the dinner would shatter her youngest child.