𝑹𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂 • yeonbin {BOOK 2} ✓

°•❁𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆❁•°

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°•𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 • blood, death•°

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𝑻𝒉𝒆 demon closed his eyes, trying to deal with how hard breathing felt like, as if he needed all his energy to take only a single breath. he wasn't expecting to have another crisis so soon, but then again, he could never predict them, nor avoid. though, he knew he could make his condition better, considerably better, but consuming people's vitality was sick and he was fighting to stay himself, not turn into a monster.

taemin's letters were a shock to him, and maybe between all those mindful words he found the answer he searched so hard for; himself. the crystalian managed to comfort him and help him even after dead, it was almost disturbing to think how he knew everything, how he knew something would happen and how yeonjun would feel to write all of that in the letters. still, the demon would never be grateful enough, because now, he could die while minimally knowing who he was.

maybe he didn't have all the answers in the world, maybe he wasn't sure of every single part and crack he had, but he knew enough. yeonjun knew enough to know why he needed to try. the last couple of hours were the worst episode he had until now, and it didn't involved low chuckles and a divided mind, it was just him. it was hours of himself locked in that dark room, hours of his fear of being alone and hours of his own mistakes replaying to him as a film, hours of physical, emotional and mental pain. hours of reality, and it was scarier than any other crisis, because he was only faced with himself and his doings.

he suffered for hours inside his own skin, there wasn't whispers in his mind and putrid parts asking for bad things. he was just empty and in pain, while sane. yeonjun coughed blood, squirmed in agony and screamed in pain, but the worst part was being awake, aware of everything, including what he did. he saw every glimpse of hurt in soobin's eyes while he got worse, while he used him and played with him, he saw every hint of forgiveness mixed with exhaustion, every last piece of hope that still remained in his chocolate eyes even after all the hurt. he saw the fear when he pressed a knife on soobin's chest too, saw the shock, the hope dying, the love stopping to be the biggest thing there.

he was finally sane. finally one step of being fully in control, but he knew he could never reach the end. yeonjun couldn't take it anymore. he knew he wouldn't be able to handle another episode, even if he would still die trying if he had to. the demon knew his time would come soon and it was okay, he was ready to die, didn't mind doing so. because he knew that for one second, he found out how happiness felt, he knew that for one moment, he knew living couldn't get any better, he knew for one stare that he didn't need to live anymore, because he had everything he ever dreamed of, even if it was just for that moment; the moment he had soobin. the moment soobin smiled to him with dimples and crescent eyes, stared at him with shining irises full of adoration, told him he loved him with genuine words and loved him like he never thought he deserved to be loved.

yeonjun was ready to die, because he knew he had that moment, and that was enough. loving soobin was enough, above any pain, any scar, any trauma, any sick night, any fear, any lack of proximity, any hate, any mistake.

maybe he could forgive himself like taemin said, what he couldn't forgive was himself trying to hurt soobin, was the look on the angel's face when he did so, was the hurt he caused. yeonjun could die without hating every part of himself, but forgetting what he did to soobin would never happen, and it was okay. he was okay with it, even if he knew he wasn't himself when he did so, even if he knew it was consequence of his powers, even if he knew that if he was sane, he would never intentionally hurt soobin. he was okay with it because he knew he could die knowing soobin was alive, was okay, that he had a chance to live, to feel, to be happy.