𝑹𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂 • yeonbin {BOOK 2} ✓

°•❁𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆❁•°

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𝑺𝒐𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒏 stared at himself through the full length mirror in his room, the dark bangs under his eyes that were bloodshot and in same color of his nose made him let out a sigh. he was really tired. though, he couldn't bring himself to sleep properly, getting tortured in his dreams by yeonjun's warm eyes and soft smile. the first time it happened, he didn't want to wake up ever again, but after a couple days, he couldn't take the nightmare of waking up and realizing he didn't have any of it anymore.

the angel bit his lip nervously before hesitantly raising his shirt, the crimson lines of the pretty mark welcoming his sight. it had started to sting again, even if only a little, and he would be lying if he said he didn't like it or wanted it to stop. soobin thought the same way when he spent months apart from yeonjun when they broke up, cherishing the mark and it's pain as it was the only thing he had of the male, but too an intimate promise. he would always belong to the demon, wanting it or not, and fortunately enough, he wanted to, probably would always do.

soobin gently ran his fingertips through the symbol, feeling his eyes getting glossy with the simple action. if he was being honest, he wanted to hate yeonjun, curse on him for what he did and regret saying he loved him, but he couldn't. he cherished the older and every little thing he ever said and done, and unfortunately to him, the demon had brought him way more happiness than pain. how could he hate someone that made him the happiest alive, made him smile in the most genuine way and melt in warmth and care?

he probably loved yeonjun even more than before, because now, he fully knew how it felt to not have him.

the black haired bit his inner cheek, trying to not cry again as he felt completely exhausted of doing so, and let go of his shirt, the mark going back to being covered. he turned around, done with staring at the miserable state he was in, and gluing his eyes with the black envelope resting on his nightstand.

beomgyu went to see him after he recovered from the shock, saying a few words and giving the piece of paper to him. taemin's letter. soobin didn't open it to read, just holding it in his hands before placing it back on the surface. he didn't know what the crystalian could possibly want from him or say to him, but considering they didn't really like each other, he felt the necessity of leaving the envelope alone, at least until he wasn't in such fragile state. he didn't want to be welcomed by harsh words that would make everything worse.

soobin looked away, not wanting to overthink on what could be inside, and opened the balcony's glass doors, stepping outside. the night breeze hit his skin and sent shivers through his body, pale and tired face getting bathed by the moonlight and displaying that even in such state, he still remained ethereal. he dropped his arms on the stone railing, face resting on the palm of his hand as he stared at the pretty flower he had there.

a red tulip.

it was the same yeonjun had dismissively thrown on the floor when coming to get him from heaven, the one he asked queen ann for a crystalian who could enchant it. turns out, he did ask hoseok to put a spell, but unfortunately, it wasn't one that could make the flower last forever, only more than it normally would. it was still as pretty as ever, petals colored in a deep red and decorated by the crystal pot it was planted in. though, the effects of the spell were visibly not as strong as when freshly done.

the flower had a few petals missing.

the lost petals were gently placed on the dirt that surrounded the base of the plant, slowly drying and getting lifeless, the color fading every day more and more. soobin still thought the flower to be beautiful, way more with what it meant to him, but he wished he could protect the little plant enough so all petals would still be there. though he knew, flowers were supposed to lose it's petals eventually, there was nothing he could do to prevent it, way more a tulip, that was delicate and needed care because it was hard for another flower to bloom, it needed specific treatment, care and cold temperatures. soobin was impressed by how queen mira chose the right flower.

the angel let out a small smile when looking at the tulip, the fact it was night and the weather was slightly chilly made it even more perfect. it was a mere second, but in that tiny space of time he could almost feel yeonjun there, staring at him with ruby eyes that held the most beautiful shine he ever saw, his warm body holding soobin closely and securely as if promising to protect him from everything, and his plump lips getting pressed gently against the taller's ones, reminding him it was okay, whispering to him he was the right one, who wouldn't hurt nor leave soobin.

what a pretty lie.

soobin averted his eyes, already feeling the warm droplets running delicately down his cheeks, an endlessly sequence of moments flooding his mind with bittersweetness. he missed yeonjun, he really did, but it didn't matter how much he wanted to see the male, this time he couldn't. it wasn't a mistake he made, a misunderstanding of one's feelings caused by confusion and trauma, it was a full and direct ending. yeonjun had said they wouldn't work, had willingly and aware of soobin's feelings ended what they had, as if it was nothing much.

the angel wanted to understand, he really did, now that he wasn't fully drowned in his own tears and self pity, he could at least wonder about it. he had been trying to comprehend why, searching between every word he said and every little thing he did, for a reason. yeonjun didn't know he was so used, after all. soobin had never told him what victor did exactly and what he went through with the male, only a shallow couple of words that gave away minimal details. so even if the younger thought to be not fitted enough to stay with someone like the demon, the other male himself wasn't aware of it.

it made him wonder and wonder nonstop of why. yeonjun loved him, didn't he? of course he did, even if soobin's insecurities wanted to make him think the opposite, the warmth and care in the king's touches and eyes made impossible for him to take the idea of fake love seriously. the red haired took time to love him, to touch him gently and remind him he could be loved again, he caressed the angel's skin and claimed his soul with care. there was no way that wasn't love, didn't matter how much he wanted to deny it.

but love wasn't enough as yeonjun himself said.

the words replayed inside the black haired's mind as a broken record, he didn't know what the older could possibly want. maybe he didn't want to love soobin anymore, maybe he wanted someone else, a person more fitted to be queen, someone with more sense of shame and less desire of sinning. the angel was self aware of a lot of things, multiple flaws he had and how they were in a bigger number than the qualities, but in the end of the day, he always managed to accept them when laying down at night. one day at a time, promising to compensate for each flaw the next day, and if not enough, he would take one hour at a time, or one minute at a time or a second at a time, until he could managed to live peacefully inside his own skin.

he couldn't lay down with acceptance anymore. it was like every day, hour, minute and second he used to work so hard into accepting himself was thrown away. yeonjun unintentionally took that from him, filling his mind with everything he once overcome to have the confidence he had currently. all the flaws he had learnt how to deal with started to eat him alive again, whispering hurtful words and stinging his heart with self hatred little by little, day by day.

soobin wanted the king back, more than anything, but he wanted himself back too. he wanted the piece he lost after yeonjun broke things with him, he wanted to do his makeup and think he was pretty, wanted to think of himself more as a strong person than a weak one, wanted to value himself for being able to stand where he stood after everything victor did. he wanted to go back of feeling proud instead of used.

though, it was easier said than done. he had allowed yeonjun to pick his pieces, but in the end, he would have to do it himself, because the red haired was not only not there anymore, but the reason of the smithereens scattered over the floor.

soobin would let himself break, would cry until he couldn't anymore, would curl on the floor and feel empty, would do everything of it so he could heal after. he wanted to prove to himself and to yeonjun he didn't spent months recovering from being used like a doll for nothing, like all the work he did and courage he gathered could be just thrown away. it would take time, so much more than he wished, but he would do it.

right now, though, he was still in his lowest.

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