𝑹𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂 • yeonbin {BOOK 2} ✓

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𝑺𝒐𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒏 had decided to not give up. it made him almost feel silly, maybe even stupid, but he knew by heart it was not only the right thing to do, but what he wanted too. yeonjun was hurting him, a lot, more than he ever thought the demon would, but he still believed in him. the angel still believed in his warm eyes, in his sweet words and sided smiles.

soobin still believed in the 'i love you' the king had once said.

he knew it was a bad decision, knew he would probably hurt even more, knew there was a huge chance of not ending in what he hoped, but he couldn't possibly bring himself to give up on yeonjun, not yet. the older still cared for him, he was sure of it because of when he woke up clean and healed after they had sex, or when the demon stared worryingly at him and asked if he was okay, and above all when he whispered, while with crystalline eyes that looked like the most fragile rubies, that he could never hate soobin.

yeonjun was hurting him now, he was saying harsh words and giving cold glances, but he still cared, and so, the angel still had hope. it could maybe be pathetic of himself, to still try, but it was impossible not to when it was yeonjun.

the red haired had gave him so much, showed him and told him so many things. yeonjun had held him while he cried, had kissed his tears and whispered his fears away, the older had gave soobin what no one else did; the feeling of being truly loved. and he couldn't forget it, because even if love was a lie, even if he was bond to hurt and cry because of it, even if he knew he could break even more, he was sure that when yeonjun spoke the three words, they were true.

soobin was sure that when the king went after him even when shattered by the idea of a one sided love, what he felt was true. he was sure when yeonjun talked about him to his mother and wanted the angel to meet her, what he did was true. the black haired was sure that when yeonjun held him and asked for soobin to let him love him just to do exactly that after, what he showed was true. he was sure that when the demon broke down in pieces after bottling all up and let the younger hold him and pick his pieces, what he cried was true.

the angel knew, he knew that above all hurt and disappointment, above all coldness and expressionless faces, yeonjun loved him more than anything else. because the demon fought for him, cried for him, broke for him, tried for him, smiled for him and hurt for him. soobin believed every single thing was true and he couldn't throw everything away, he needed to try, he needed to dry yeonjun's tears and fill his heart with flowers, like the male had previously done to him.

taehyun said yeonjun loving him didn't mean he deserved him, and he was right, but the reaper didn't know more than a small part of what he and the king had. taehyun didn't know everything yeonjun gave him, or gave away for him. he didn't know the caresses meant to be soft and gentle so soobin could understand that if victor didn't love him right, then the red haired would. taehyun didn't know the in betweens, he didn't know how soobin stayed even when knowing yeonjun was hurting, he didn't know he led the male on only to say he didn't feel the same after and continued to do so even when he acknowledged he couldn't give yeonjun what he wanted.

the demon might not deserve him, but there was once soobin didn't deserve him too. yeonjun was in pain, he was hurt and suffering, he was taken by trauma and suffocating himself in it and his own mind, just like soobin was. he knew he did a lot of wrong things, he knew he submitted yeonjun to more pain when being fully conscious he was doing so, he knew he said things and did things that only confused and hurt the demon more, so he wanted to hold yeonjun like the male did to him, love him, comfort him, kiss him and hopefully heal him too.

soobin still wanted to try because he knew he could still try, because he knew that if he gave up right now, he would regret for the rest of his life. it wasn't letting himself be used like a doll, it wasn't getting treated lowly and accepting it, this time it was different. this time, he knew he could go on, not only for yeonjun, but for himself too, because he couldn't let the male go without trying, not when he was doing it for his own happiness too. it wasn't giving up on himself, it was fighting for what he wanted and loved while aware of how painful it would be.

the angel knew he would cry and hurt, but he knew that if he managed to help yeonjun, every pain and every tear would be meaningless compared to the warm eyes and gentle smile the demon would give him. he couldn't give and he wouldn't give up, didn't matter how many people thought he should and called him stupid, because none of them went through everything he did and saw everything he saw. only soobin knew his pain, only soobin knew his fears and only soobin knew what he and yeonjun had.

and what they had wasn't something to be given up easily.

the angel needed to think, he needed to look through every word and every move for a reason. why had yeonjun broken things between them? it was sudden and felt like an impulsive decision, but soobin knew it wasn't, not from someone as calculating as the older. the red haired had stayed with him for weeks when hurting, so something had to happen, something that changed his mind and made him decide to fuck things up.

taemin had said it, the letter told soobin how yeonjun would do and say things that didn't make sense and would be hard to understand. taemin knew this would happen, so he knew why it would too, soobin just had to figure it out so he could finally comprehend why. it wasn't because of himself, even if his mind screamed how useless and meant to be used he was, yeonjun never seemed to be bothered by his flaws, more, he seemed to love every single one of them. though, it was hard to let that kind of thought get fixed in his mind after years of getting told harsh words and believing in every single one of them.

soobin needed to work on himself, taehyun was right about that too, he needed to give himself more worth. after all, he would never be able to help someone, way more someone as wounded as yeonjun, if he didn't help himself first. if he wanted the red haired, wanted his happiness and the sweet smiles back, than he needed to wake up from his self destructive and depressing thoughts, he needed to love himself so he could love someone else.

it would be hard, even more than helping yeonjun, but he was just as willing to heal himself as he was to help the demon. it would take time, it would hurt and he would fail a lot of times, but he could do it, because just like he believed in yeonjun, he started to believe in himself too.

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