𝑹𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒂 • yeonbin {BOOK 2} ✓

°•❁𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒚 𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏❁•°

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°•𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 • identity issues, mention of death, depressing thoughts•°

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𝒀𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒋𝒖𝒏 knew he wouldn't last much, and if he had to guess, it would take less than two weeks for him to die. the fact was easy to assume after he realized why he would die in the first place, he would be killed by his own powers, of course, killed by forcing his body and mind over and over again to not get consumed by darkness. he would die because he was trying to save what he had left. how unfair could that be? maybe it wasn't unfair at all, maybe accepting the punishment his soul would suffer in hell was the right thing to do, maybe he was bound to harm while alive and leave wounds impossible to heal completely while dead.

he placed both hands on the counter, his head lowered down as water dripped from his newly washed hair. beomgyu was sleeping on his bed, after hugging him close and crying himself to sleep, yeonjun had held him the whole time, knowing he should at least give that to the younger; a proper goodbye. he didn't know when would be the next time he would have one of his episodes of insanity, nor he wanted to risk the gargoyle being there again, so yeonjun had turned all his energy into not sinking inside his mind, even if it would make it a lot worse later. maybe instead of hours he would spent the whole day squirming in pain and bleeding on the floor, and in all honesty, it didn't matter as long as beomgyu could be far from him and safe.

yeonjun bit his lip, taking a deep breath before taking his arms off the counter and straightening himself up, his gaze moving higher and higher until it connected with his own irises on the mirror. the blood pools stared back at him, and he tried to find what soobin said to love so much there; his soul. maybe then he would have an answer, a clarification of who he was in the end, even if it ended with him being faced by the nightmarish fact he was indeed a monster.

he raised his hand slowly, placing it on his cheek and watching the reflection follow his movements. would everything had worked if he wasn't like that? would he be able to have soobin? to love him right? would he still hurt the angel endlessly if he wasn't himself? would taemin be alive? standing beside him and reassuring him with a simple stare that managed to speak more than a million words? would his mother be proud? would ruby still burst into his room and demand a bonding time? would he be happy?

the male's trembling hands ran through his features while he searched for a sign, anything that gave him a glimpse of who he was. he wondered how soobin saw him, how before he spoke of him like if he was gentle and warm, like if he was one of those people that gave hope the world could still work, still be led by kindness and still be fair. now, however, soobin probably saw him as heartless, a sick person who had a even more sick mind, someone undeserving of love, of hope, of help. did soobin hate him now? despised him to the core and regretted meeting him months ago? he probably did.

yeonjun's eyes welled up with tears, glistening under the dim light of the bathroom as one managed to escape his eyes, gently falling down his cheek. between all the things he went through, all the hurt and abandonment, all the loss and torture, the one that hurt him the most, that destroyed him the most and torn him apart was the fact he not only lost soobin, but hurt him multiple times. was the fact that he was responsible for a lot of scars that would never heal on the angel, wounds that would always remain open and bleeding from time to time.

maybe yeonjun had always been so desperate to give love, that he didn't know how to do it properly. maybe he wasn't born to love. maybe the only things he was capable of was harm and destruction.