𝙼𝚊𝚍𝚕𝚢 | 𝙷𝚢𝚞𝚗𝙻𝚒𝚡𝙸𝚗

34

It's been seven weeks.

Seven mind-fucking long weeks since Felix was removed from the school. I was absolutely going fucking insane without him. Despite having Jeongin around.

Yes, Jeongin made for good company and I was more than happy to be around him especially when we were sharing our mouths, but goddamn I wanted that irritating blonde back. Video calls, being able to see his face and hear his voice only, just weren't doing it anymore. I needed him here. Beside me, in front of me, under me, on top of me, just surrounding me with his presence.

I made myself a promise that I'd go see him the second I arrived in Seoul for Christmas break, that I was going to go see him. I was longing for him too much at this point, I'd die before I let myself go another day without him moving he was in the same city.

Just one more week Hyunjin. One more week of agony and then you'll reach pure bliss. Seven more days, single digits now.

I mentally groaned at the thought of having to put up with the time. Going to school and dragging out my days. There were upsides to them of course, with my friends and favorite classes, but they were typically unyielding to my boredom.

I fucking missed him. I really fucking did and I never tell him that. Only because I don't have too. We both already know how desperate we are to see each other again without words. We see it when talk on the phone. The long pauses of silence were we stare at each other, no words being shared. But our eyes tell each other everything.

I wanted to say it, damn did I want to. But I never did, never could. It was like those word were foreign to me when it came to him. Any sort of word or sayings that show too much emotional need for him.. didn't exist in my vocabulary bank in the back of my mind.

But he knows, he always knows. It's like he can tell my brain is searching through the endless dictionary, searching and hoping for the words to show up and grant me permission to say it. He watches me struggle to do so and yet never asks me to say it, never says it first because we just know.

I laid my head against my pillow, the sun had already gone down completely outside and I was waiting, watching my phone on my nightstand.

He said he was going to call me later tonight. His grandfather had dragged him away so to some kind of labour work. He was working his ass of for that old man and it made me feel guilty. Though I knew I had reason to feel like way, he's told me so himself. He's paying for his actions gladly.

I tossed amongst the sheets of bed restlessly and impatiently. Glancing at my phone, then tapping on it to see if I had any new text messages or notifications from him. But there wasn't, not that I expected it. His last text was from three hours ago and he only is able to text me when he's got a break.

I was expecting too much and nothing at all from him. Sometimes I wish I could hear him say he missed me. I can't even think of how it might sound leaving those lips. But I do know exactly how I would feel about it. The butterflies would swirl, bask themselves amongst my insides as I played the three worded claim over and over in my mind.