Bloody Hell

Chapter 38 - Saying Goodbye

S I E N N A

"Amore mio," Blade called out to me. I didn't even notice he was seated across from me on our bed with a tray of stuffed omelet, waffles and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. The smell was absolutely divine. I was too submerged in my thoughts to pay full attention to him or the breakfast.

I felt like a robot with no feelings whatsoever. Part of myself died with Layla. I didn't want to acknowledge the pain or grieve over the death of my own daughter. She didn't deserve to die.

How many loved ones will I loose before I can find happiness in this life?

My hands tightened around the urn that's clutched tightly to my chest as the memories of Layla flooded back into my mind. I had her body cremated instead of her to be buried six ft under. I know my baby girl very well. She always wanted to be free and being confined in a coffin for the rest of her life won't make her happy. Layla had suffered all the eight years of her life. The only time she was able to breathe freely knowing she's in good hands was with us.

I missed her so much. It's been days since she died and I haven't been able to let go of the urn which contained her ashes.

"Baby, eat something. You're loosing a lot of weight. It's not good for the babies." Blade whispered, stabbing the waffle with a fork and bringing it to my lips. I turned my head to the other side and bit down on my lip to prevent myself from falling apart.

Keep it together, Sienna.

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm ugly now? I'm no longer attractive to you because I've lost weight?" I snapped, not giving a fuck if the tears fell freely from my eyes. It's hard to bottle up your emotions and pretend like everything is okay. I'm beyond devastated.

"That isn't -"

"I don't care how I look anymore or how weak I am. I'm sure my babies will understand." I muttered and leaned my chin at the top of the urn, rubbing a hand over my baby bump.

Blade looked wounded at my words and I instantly felt like a horrible person. He dropped the tray of my breakfast on the nightstand and sighed, inching closer to me, "You know that isn't what I meant, Sienna. I love you and that isn't gonna change no matter what. You fuck with my mind every damn day. Even if you put on rags or you happen to be the daughter of Frankenstein, you will always be my beautiful woman."

All my emotions crashed through me and I couldn't help but cry bitterly. My ribs felt like it was gonna crack from the pain that's buried deep in my heart. I haven't allowed myself to grieve because I didn't want to let Layla go. I was scared of relinquishing the memories I have of her if I bade her goodbye.

Blade took the urn away from my hands and pulled me into his arms. His fingers stroked my messy blonde hair as I sobbed into his chest. He wasn't wearing a shirt. I didn't even acknowledge that fact and he didn't seem to care. He understood. His warmth penetrated into my body and I felt myself calming down. He didn't say any word to me and I was grateful for that. Being in his arms in silence was all I needed to get my emotions under control.

"I'm sorry, amore," I whimpered and looked up to stare into his gorgeous stormy grey eyes that made my heart feel at ease. This man was my safe place. He pressed a kiss to my lips. It was light like a feather and just the boost I needed to realize how much I wanted him.

"You don't have to apologize, tesoro. I completely understand your frustration. It's okay to let out all your pains so you don't end up being depressed and nurture hatred in your heart. Layla is dead. It's a hard fact to accept but we just have to deal with it. No amount of tears we shed won't bring her back. She's in a safe place now. She wouldn't want to see you cry."