Chase and Madelyn: A love story

Chapter 5

TW: Mentions of eating disorders/Depression and Anxiety

Chase's POV:

The last couple of weeks have been hard. Maddie has been getting hate online and I had a few more panic attacks after the one in the restaurant bathroom. They've been over small things like work, it's just been stressful. I have to get back into filming mode. It's been a while since I've had this much pressure on me and a tight schedule. Maddie and I were invited to my cousin Brynn's wedding which is in two days. I have off filming for the week. They are only doing Ward and Cameron family scenes. But Maddie can't come anymore. She was called in everyday this week.

"I really wish you could come." I said.

"I know, me too. I'm gonna miss you." Maddie said.

"It'll only be three days. I'll call you a lot, ok?" I responded.

We hugged and I zipped up my bag.

"I'm starting therapy later today," she said.

"Oh, how are you feeling about that? Do you want me to stay?" I ask.

"No, go, have fun. It'll be fine, I've done it before. I'm just nervous." She replies.

"It will be ok. If you want Mads, you can call me afterwards." I say.

She nods and hugs me. She feels very small in my arms.

"I have to go, my flight is soon, but I love you." I say

She resists, still hugging me. I knew she needed that hug so I held on for a little longer and kissed the top of her head.

Madelyn's POV:

Chase left for Florida today. I'm going to miss him, but I'll probably be so busy with work that I won't even have time to think about it. I begin to put my shoes on and I notice my hands are jittery. I have an appointment with my new therapist, Ruby in 30 minutes. I'm anxious. I drive there and park in the lot. Once I get to the office suite, I'm the only one there.

"You must be Madelyn!" I hear a voice say. Out walks a short dark haired woman in her thirties, Ruby.

"Hi, that's me! You can call me Maddie." I reply.

"Perfect, you can come back with me and have a seat on the sofa. I have blankets, water, snacks, fidgets, anything you want." Ruby says.

I start to feel my anxiety ease. I know I'm in control.

"So, Maddie, what brings you here?" she asks as she sits down across from me in an armchair.

I feel my face getting hot. I pause.

"Sorry," I say, "It's been a rough couple of months." I feel my eyes watering and suddenly I'm deep into a big sob.

Ruby nods her head and smiles sympathetically while handing me a box of tissues.

"Take your time." She says, "We can talk about something else, whatever makes you feel comfortable."

"No, it's ok, I want to talk about it." I said as I wiped away the last of my tears and blew my nose.

"Um," I began with a shaky voice, "People are body shaming me online. It's bringing back a lot of emotions from high school. I struggled with an eating disorder," I said.

I waited for Ruby to say something but she didn't. She looked at me with a soft expression as if I was about to say something else.

"I guess my anxiety is running high," I continued, "I have a new boyfriend and he's great but I have to open up about all these kinds of things to him. It's hard for me to do that. I think I'm happy but then there are all these obstacles. It's like life wants me to fail or something." I said

"Does it feel like you're failing?" Ruby asks curiously.

"No, maybe I'm just waiting for myself to fail. I've never gotten this far. Like, I have a big role in a show, great friends, a boyfriend, and everything just feels suspiciously good. I guess I'm waiting for it all to come crashing down. I feel like I can't handle it anymore." I said wiping my face. I'm shaking.

Ruby looks down at my hands, "I noticed that you're a bit shaky. Do you want to tell me about that?"

"I haven't been in therapy since I was 15, it feels new and kinda scary." I respond.

"It is scary," Ruby says. "But you made a big first step by coming here and admitting that you could use help. It's not easy to handle everything on your own, but you're doing the right thing." She finishes.

I nodded silently. I feel acknowledged. Over the next 30 minutes, Ruby asked me about my parents, Chase, and if I'd ever been diagnosed with anxiety or depression in the past. I found myself warming up to her more. Before I knew it, the time was up.

"I can't officially diagnose you, but I'd say you're probably struggling with anxiety, imposter syndrome and maybe some depression as well. If you want, I can recommend a psychiatrist to you if you would like to talk about diagnosis or medication," Ruby said.

"Medication?" I ask.

"It's just a thought," Ruby replied. "Do you want to come back next week and talk about it more?"

"Yeah I would like that." I say brushing my fingers through my hair.

After I left, I felt drained. I had never been so vulnerable or emotional in my life. I wished Chase was home so I could hug him. I called him instead.

"Everything ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, how was the flight?" I asked.

"Good, I'm finally here. Oh, how was therapy?" he asked.

"Hard," I said. "I'm going back next week. I wish I could hug you. I miss you."

"I'm sorry babe, I wish I could hug you too. I'll be back soon enough. I love you," he said.

Instead of driving home, I drove to Madison's apartment. She always knew how to make me feel better. I knocked on the door and she opened it quickly.

"Hi babe!" she said excitedly, not expecting to see me. "Have you been crying?"

"Yeah, I just came from a therapy session. I'm exhausted and Chase isn't home. I just need a hug." I replied.

"Aw, Madelyn, come here. I'm always here for you if you want to talk, ok?" She said pulling my body in.

I stayed at her place for about 2 hours. We talked and watched some TV.

"Do you want to stay over?" Madison asked.

"It's ok, I don't want to bother you." I replied.

"Madelyn, you'd never bother me. You clearly don't want to be alone...and neither do I." She said laughing.