Chase and Madelyn: A love story

Chapter 20

TW: Self harm and mentions of eating disorders

Chase's POV:

The rest of that night was good, but I felt really bad about how I treated Madelyn the other day. She didn't deserve that and I was short tempered. She seemed to be alright after we came home from her parent's house. She took a shower and then we cuddled in bed.

"We should go out tomorrow." I said.

"Where?" She asked.

"I don't know, maybe to get brunch or something. What do you think?" I asked.

"Yeah," She responded.

"Are you up for it? I know these past couple of weeks have been tough." I said making sure she felt comfortable.

Madelyn nodded and I gave her a kiss on the bridge of her nose. We fell asleep in a hugging position. It was my favorite thing ever when Maddie fell asleep in my arms. A lot of the times, I would stay awake and just look at her while running my fingers through her hair.

Madelyn's POV:

That night was terrible.

On the car ride home, my throat hurt from trying to keep my cries in. I didn't even know if I had any tears left. I forgave Chase, I wasn't upset about our little fight anymore. I was upset because I was feeling how I felt during the worst of times, it was creeping back up on me.

I had been taking my medication but couldn't get myself to go back to therapy. I couldn't imagine a scenario in which I could speak without crying and breaking down to Carrie.

When we got home, I told Chase I was going to take a shower and he waited for me in the bedroom. After locking the door, I rummaged through the mirror's cabinet. I knew it was there somewhere. Chase had thrown out the rest of the razors after last time, but I always had another one hiding in the cabinet just in case. My breathing picked up. I was stressed out and craving pain. If I had just opened the bathroom door, I knew that Chase would help me, but I couldn't get myself to do that. I had gone too far already.

I sat down on the cold tub floor and watched as the water washed away the blood on my thighs. I hadn't cut myself this much in a while. It stung. The hot water hitting my fresh wounds made me flinch and wince. There were no more tears to cry so instead I stared at my leg with a blank expression, as if I was confused as to what happened. As if I didn't know who or what hurt me. I did, I hurt me.

In the morning as I was getting changed, I realized that my sweatpants had line shaped stains on them, exactly where my cuts were. I quickly threw the bloody pants into the hamper before Chase could see and changed into leggings. The tight material pressed around my thighs hurt like hell, but I couldn't wear shorts.

Chase had been doing this thing in the morning before I was awake, or so he thought. He would roll my sleeves up and check my wrists. Sometimes he would drag his fingers across my arms and trace the scars. The first time I noticed, I pretended to be asleep because I wanted to know what he would do. I didn't mind him touching, I just hated that he had to check every morning to see if I had added any more cuts overnight. Just to play it safe, I was only cutting my thighs at the moment.

The other morning while Chase was checking my wrists, I was lucid. Not completely asleep nor awake, but I could still feel him touching my arm. He began to cry. He sniffled while holding and stroking my wrists. There was a lump in my throat. I knew I was destroying him, but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop.

After putting on leggings and a crop top, Chase and I headed to one of our favorite local coffee shops for brunch. I hadn't been in public in a while.

As we sat down after ordering our food, a group of teen girls noticed who I was and began whispering. I thought to myself, oh shit. I loved meeting fans, I really did, but I felt and looked like shit. I always had to put on a brave face and a cheeky smile. They approached me and Chase and we made small talk and took a couple pictures. I could tell that I looked awful. My eyes were red and tired, my cheeks were sunken, hair messy, and I didn't look well or healthy overall.