Chase and Madelyn: A love story

Chapter 35

TW: Panic attack

Chase's POV:

Madison left yesterday morning which upset Madelyn. It was obvious that Maddie missed having a best friend here in Charleston, but it would only be another couple of months until we started filming season 3. We would all be together again soon enough.

A bigger thing was on my mind though. I was proposing to Maddie soon. Today was Monday, and I planned the proposal for Friday. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I felt super excited, but I was also really nervous. I was pretty sure that she would say yes, but it was still scary. We would be walking into a different and new chapter in our life. Even though I was happy and looking forward to Friday, I couldn't get the knot out of my stomach and racing thoughts out of my head.

"Morning." Madelyn said to me as I opened my eyes. "You slept in." 

"What time is it?" I asked while stretching.

"11." She said. "I saved you some of my smoothie."

I smiled. "Thank you Mads." I replied.

Before she could walk away, I gently grabbed her hand.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I'm good. My eyebrow doesn't hurt anymore." Madelyn said referring to her stitches.

"That's good, but I mean mentally. How are you doing, are you ok?" I asked.

She nodded.

"I know you were upset when Bailey left. Do you want to talk about it?" I added. I didn't want to force Maddie to share how she was feeling with me, but I did want to give her the space and opportunity if she wanted to. 

"No I just wish she could've stayed longer." Maddie said.

"Yeah, me too." I replied.

 We sat in silence for a couple minutes.

Madelyn squeezed my hand. "Are you ok?" She asked.

"I'm fine." I said.

"Chase..." She said in a teasing tone.

"What?" I replied.

"I'm always the one talking about my feelings. It's your turn. Talk to me." Maddie pleaded.

I couldn't tell her what was on my mind. It would ruin the surprise of the proposal. But I wanted to, I wanted to tell her that I was nervous, and that I didn't feel good enough for her, but I couldn't. 

"I woke up like 5 minutes ago babe. I'm fine, I'm just tired." I said hoping she would believe me.

"Well I'm not gonna push you but I can tell something is wrong. I'm here for you, you can talk to me when you're ready, ok?" She said while rubbing hand.

One thing I love about Madelyn is that she's great at sensing other people's emotions. She also knows when to push me, and also when to back off a little and give me space. The past couple of days, I've had a really negative internal dialogue. It didn't make any sense, but somehow I was convincing myself that it was true. I was thinking things like Maddie is going to say no to the proposal, she doesn't love me as much as I think she does, and I'm not worth it. It was all BS, but I was having a hard time ignoring those thoughts. 

As Maddie stood up to walk away, to my surprise and hers, I suddenly began to cry. I never really showed a lot of emotions around her, and if I did, tears usually weren't involved.

I buried my head in my hands and quietly sobbed. Madelyn rushed to my side and rubbed my back. She moved the hair out of my face with her other hand.

"Baby? What's wrong?" She whispered. I didn't respond but kept crying. She held me for a few minutes in silence. 

I wiped my eyes and embarrassedly looked up at her. It looked like Maddie was going to cry too. She always got emotional when seeing people upset. My breathing picked up and I was struggling to catch it. 

"Shhh." She cooed. "Breathe." Maddie said quietly while still rubbing my back. I wiped my eyes and held my chest, trying not to have a panic attack.

"Chase, baby, can you tell me what's going on?" Maddie asked, slightly confused by my sudden range of emotions. 

I didn't respond and kept breathing heavily. 

"Are you having a panic attack?" She asked. 

I nodded while hyperventilating, tears flooding my eyes again.

"Ok, ok." She whispered calmly. "Hey, look at me. You're safe. Breathe through your nose." She instructed. I've had many panic attacks before, and no one has ever been able to calm me down like Maddie. Even her presence alone felt calming and safe. 

She stepped out of the room and came back a few seconds later with a glass of water. She handed it to me and stroked my back as I took big gulps. 

I sighed and wiped my eyes when I was finished drinking, finally calming down. Maddie gave me a small smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked calmly.

"I don't know, I'm really in my head this morning." I replied.

She nodded, expecting me to say more. Maddie stepped out again and came back with toilet paper.

"Sorry, we don't have tissues." She said. We both laughed.

"You can talk to me, I'm right here." Madelyn reassured me, sitting back down on the bed.

"I know. Sometimes I just don't feel good enough. I'm like self sabotaging in my head." I said while avoiding eye contact. 

"Aw, baby. I'm sorry you feel that way. I totally understand. You are good enough. You're more than enough. And even if no one else sees that, I do." She replied.

I smiled. That was all my mind needed to hear. I was doubting myself, thinking I wasn't enough for Madelyn, but hearing her say that immediately made me feel better.

"Thank you, thanks for calming me down. Sorry that I freaked out." I said.

Maddie went in for a hug. "Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. Thank you for opening up and letting me know how you felt, it means a lot. I love you so so much and I always will, ok?" She replied.

"I love you too." I responded.

"Do you want to stay in bed for a bit?" She asked. 

I nodded and grabbed a hold of her waist causing us to both fall back on the bed. Maddie giggled and squirmed.

She kissed the tip of my nose and smiled.

After about 20 minutes of cuddling, Maddie sat up.

"C'mon, let me make you breakfast." She said while reaching out to grab my hands.

I laughed. 

"You? Cooking? I don't know if that's such a good idea!" I teased.

She playfully slapped my arm. "Oh, shush. I'm perfectly capable of making eggs!" She joked.

I brought my mouth to Maddie's and kissed her plump rosy lips.