Lily

Chapter Fourty three

43

We stopped checking for monsters under the bed when we realized they were inside us'

-unknown

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Xavier's pov

I had done many things in my life that I regretted. For example, I regret not being able to stop my brother from killing my mate.

I regret falling into a state of mind where I began to listen to the rumours about me killing my mate and being ruthless. I began to believe the things that people said about my family.

Even my family thought I was a monster.

I had heard the rumours for so long that I began to change. I began to be the monster that people made me out to be.

Without my mate,I fell into a dark place. My wolf would take over for no reason, and I would lose control.

That's why I had gone on killing sprees before.

No one believed that I hadn't been in control when I had done it, though. All I did was make people fear me even more.

I began to like the fear that other packs harboured for me, and that was how I dealt with the grief I felt for losing my first mate.

It was different now.

Lily made me on edge. In her presence,I was scared to be the monster that I truly was.

I was scared that I would lose her if she saw the monster that I had become.

I hated losing control of my wolf. The fact that I couldn't do anything to stop my wolf made me fearful.

I was scared that I would lose control and hurt Lily.

That fear had come true, though.

I felt my wolf freeze before realizing what he had done. I was slowly given back control.

I stared at Lily as she lay on the floor, unconscious, and the side of her body had a deep cut from where I had struck her.

I saw the little girl that stood next to Lily.  The girl's eyes were confused, but she was also shocked at what had just happened.

She soon faced me, and her eyes filled with fear. I used to love seeing others' cower in my presence, their eyes filled with terror as they stated at me.

But now I just bowed my head in shame.

"Xavier!" My mother's voice sounded out. I saw my sister running towards me along with my mother.

Their eyes were only fixated on me,I could tell they were trying to avoid looking at the many dead bodies that surrounded me.

"Oh, Xavier,"my mother sighed,looking down at my mate.  Lily was still laid on the ground,her eyes closed and her wound still bleeding.

Two warriors came out from the clearing.  They started to pick my mate up before I growled at them in warning.

"Xavier, they are trying to help,"my mother said,giving me a pointed look. I watched with disappointment as Lily was carried away by the warriors.

The little girl beside me suddenly spoke up,startling me and my mother."W-what about my m-mum and d-dad?"her voice came out.

My mother gave me a look before turning back towards the little girl.  "Your mummy and daddy aren't here anymore,"my mother spoke softly.

My ears ached when I heard the girl ley out a strangled cry. I watched as my sister came forward and picked the little girl up.

"Take her back to the pack, Amanda."My mother ordered.

My sister carried the crying girl out of the clearing, but before I lost sight of them,the girl screamed at me.

"I hate you,I hate you, I hate you!"she screamed.

My heart broke, and I knew that I couldn't blame the little girl.

I had just taken two important people away from her. To me, all they had been were another two people that I killed.

To that little girl, though,they had been two of the most significant people in her life.

I had just taken them away from her.

Seeing my disgruntled expression, my mother put her arms around my neck to comfort me.

I didn't deserve her comfort.

"It's going to alright, Xavier. "she whispered,but her words did little comfort me.

It isn't though, is what I wanted to say...