Storm's Mafia Princess

Reassurance

Adeline's Ροv

I hate that I always seek reassurance. I can't convince myself if someone else doesn't do it for me. And I've gotten so dependent on everyone to help me that I’ve lost all my self-sufficiency.

I wasn't always like this. But ever since I conceived my kids, I put all my energy into convincing my family that it wasn't my fault and the only thing I wanted to hear back was that they believed me.

And since then, I have relied on their words.

Every minor inconvenience and I seeked approvals. Reassurance. Care.

I silently looked at everyone hoping someone would tell me “it's okay”. That they know I'm not judging anyone and that it wasn't my fault if I knocked on Rhyett's door at the wrong time.

I wanted someone to tell me that they trust me. I wanted to hear that they don't believe what Altas said. I wanted to be told that Valerie hasn't started hating me.

“Sex isn't a bad thing, Adeline. It doesn't have to hurt-” Julian tries to say but gets cut off.

My mouth parts at his words. I don't know why Julian would suddenly want to give me the talk in front of our whole family or at all.

Even if I think it is gross, he doesn't have to correct it, there's nothing wrong in thinking something's disgusting.

Why would he try to convince me otherwise?

I thought everyone here wants me to stay single. They even decided on twenty one as my dating age. They should be happy that even when I'd be allowed to, I wouldn't want to do it.

“Let it be Julian.” Lucius says with a clenched jaw.

Thank God he saved me from the embarrassment. I don't want to decide my hatred for sexual intimacy in front of my family. I'd rather die than do that.

“But I don't want her to be scared of it just because one bastard-”

“Julian, shut up. I'll explain her when the time comes. She doesn't need to know now.”

Another round of silence prevails in the dining room. Not even clanks of cutlery could be heard because no one felt hungry anymore, except me.

So I decided to start eating and not think about how my brother was embarrassing me just a few seconds ago. I just wanna forget about it, it's better that way.

“You didn't tell me how your class was? Did you have fun?” Valerie asks, pretending like that conversation prior never happened.

I'm guessing if she's speaking to me then she isn't mad at me but maybe she's just trying to defuse the awkwardness. I'm still grateful for it because I had no clue what to do.

“I literally got late the very first day and I felt so bad-”

Since the ‘no interrupting’ rule only applies to the rest of our family, Ewan cuts me off. He should know I'm pregnant and don't appreciate it a least bit.

“But you left before time.” 

“Actually I was too nervous so I wasted a lot of time in the parking.” And the rest was Reign’s fault.

“How was the instructor and other students? Did you make any new friends?” Cyrus joins the conversation.

“The chef was scowling at me because I was late but he seems like a nice teacher. I'm sure if he sees I'm a good student he’ll change his opinion about me.”

“He will.” Rhyett states like he's sure of it.

I didn't pay mind to the tone of his voice and turn to Julian as it's his turn to ask a question. “What did you bake?”