Alone With Ross

•37•

May 23, 2012

"Ross, please wake up." I shook Ross again for the seventh time. It is currently four in the morning here in Canada, and I was just hours away from seeing my mother I was wide awake with anxiety.

"What? What's wrong?" Ross grumbled as he lazily rolled over to stare at me, his eyes only slightly opened.

"I can't sleep. I'm scared." I felt my eyes start to prickle and Ross shimmed over in the bed and opened up the comforter, inviting me into his embrace.

With out hesitation I crawled in and cuddled against his chest trying to contain myself. For some reason I was hurting more then anything. And I think I know why.

"I have to say goodbye." I sobbed into his chest, and his arms wrapped around me pulling me in closer and he kissed my forehead. "I have to say goodbye." I repeated.

I felt Ross sigh. "I'm sorry." He rubbed small circles in my back. "I wish we could trade places so you wouldn't have to go through all this shit."

"I actually wish that I wouldn't have to see her. I don't know, I feel like it'd be easier afterwards. But now, I have to actually say goodbye, a-and I really don't want to Ross." I started to wheeze much to my embarrassment, but I just lost all of my cares as I started thinking about my mother more.

"She was so amazing. I remember she used to draw these flowers all over napkins when we'd go out to eat." I nuzzled my nose in Ross chest. "She loved orchids."

I felt myself start to relax then Ross started to hum softly.

"You should let me help you write a song one of these days." I said drowsily. And Ross laughed lightly.

"Sure, your words are always better than mine anyways." He rasped.

"Not even close." I whispered tiredly before falling asleep.

***
"And if you follow me this way, to the right you can see our relaxing indoor garden, courtesy of the local high school here that put funds together for it." The tour givers notice was very perky, making me want to rip my ears off.

As of right now, we were being given the mandatory hospital tour, and so far it's better than all the places I've stayed at in the past by a landslide.

"How much longer." I whispered to Vi who stood beside me with a bored look on her face.

"Not much longer, just one more stop." She assured me sighing. I sighed to and looked over to Ross who was admiring the garden whole heartedly.

"Ross." I called out but he didn't listen. "Ross?"

"Huh? Sorry what?" He turned to look at me quickly but averted his attention back to the fountain in the middle of the garden. "This is just really cool." He shook his head and looked at me.

"Okay, next, and last stop, the chapel!" The lady clapped her hands excitedly and Mama Vi just huffed as we trailed behind her.

She lead us to these double doors, and behind them you could hear organ music playing. She opened the doors quickly and I stood at the front in shock.

As a child I went to a catholic school for a brief time, but I've never actually attended mass, unless if you count crappy little drive through wedding chapels in Las Vegas for my aunts friends.

The ceiling was painted with cherubic angels and puffy clouds. And I looked towards the front to see a massive cross with a sculptor of Jesus Christ on it. I've never read the bible, but I've heard enough stories to know the reason why he died.

In the corner of the room was a small, frail old lady playing the organ, and I looked around the room to see that no one was sitting in the pews.

"What's she doing?" I asked the tour guide. She looked over before waving her hand in the air.

"That's just Alberta." She brushed off. "She's here every opportunity she gets." She informed. I looked back towards Alberta as she played, her eyes closed and rocking back and forth, her tune never faltered.

"Okay! You guys are now free to see Fawn!" The tour guide clapped her hands again and I frowned.

"Fawn?" I questioned.

The tour guide looked at me for a moment before tapping her forehead. "I forgot! That is her nickname! But yes you can go see your mother now."

I sighed and nodded and felt something touch my hand, I looked down to see Ross giving me a small smile as he squeezed my hand and I smiled back.

"Lets do this."

***
Being younger, I never really thought about the idea of growing up without my parents, I mean I was at the age where I was more concerned that I had the coolest pencils in class.

I could just pull the neglect card on them, because in all honesty, that's what they did.

They left me with my chain smoker aunt to pursue some wacky dream of discovery.

And maybe that's what changed the course of my life, if I hadn't been raised by my aunt Karmen at such an impressionable age, maybe I'd be less complicated.

I looked over at Ross who was still holding my hand as we rode in the elevator towards my moms floor and I shook my head slightly in thought.

I wouldn't be less complicated. I'm not my aunt. Sure, I did some pretty dumb shit in my past, but my head is screwed on so tight now and had been welded to my body by Ross that I can finally see clearly now.

At first when I came to bumpy roads, that speech that Ross did actually hit my heart pretty hard. And it inspired me, because we actually are all there to better our futures.

But what do I want to do in the future?

I felt myself stop breathing as the thought struck me.

As a child I wanted to be in agriculture science, or be a paleontologist. But now, I really hate the outdoors and the idea of touching the bones of something that was once living, isn't really my thing.

"Caspian, we're moving." Ross said quietly as he gently tugged me out of the elevator.

"Sorry, I-I just-" I shook my head and sighed. "I can't stop thinking about everything at once."

Ross squeezed my hand and brought it towards his lips to kiss the back of it. "I understand. I'm actually starting to get your anxiety, kinda like sympathy pains."

I looked at him for a second before laughing. "I'm not pregnant with your child, so sympathy pains is the wrong word."

Ross laughed along with me and we both sighed, it felt good to laugh, but I couldn't keep up a mask, when in reality a look of complete fear was painted beneath the surface.

I felt Ross tug at my hand again, but this time he was tugging me back. "I need to talk to you real quick." I felt thankful for the extra time, but I felt more anxiety coming from what he was going to say. "You are by far, the bravest person I know. You've overcome so much in your life and you have been through so much shit, and I just wanted to let you know, that I will always be there for you."

I felt my stomach churn at the word always, but I pushed back my discomfort and gave him a chaste kiss.

"Thank you." I touched my forehead to his. "Wait out here for me please." I whispered before I slowly trudged towards my mothers room.

I sighed and looked back at Ross and he smiled at me.

"I'll always be right there for you."

••••
SORRY FOR THE DELAY, BUT I STARTED HIGH SCHOOL THREE WEEKS AGO AND THINGS ARE SO HECTIC.

BUT YOU GUYS SURPRISED ME BIG TIME WITH YOUR SUPPORT AND I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.

-Aliah