Alone With Ross

•83•

Maybe he didn't hear me. Perhaps I didn't say it loud enough, or the music had drowned out my voice.

Maybe he's a little deaf right now after finishing the show, or he's so exhilarated that he can't focus on conversation.

Or he heard me perfectly fine and he's avoiding the question.

He had to have heard me. I pulled my hand away in slight rejection and he just merely put both hands on the steering wheel jamming out to the noisy song. I balled my fists up, I've found myself trying to hold my anger in more and more at the slightest things, and I was starting to think that I'm going crazy, but after this fiasco I now believe that everyone has a personal agenda to piss me off.

He pulled up to his house and sat back letting the music play on as he checked his phone and I waited as well to bombard him as soon as he turned off the music but when he continued to scroll though some mindless social media page I got out of the car with a huff only to be left to brood outside of his locked front door.

Finally he had gotten out after five minutes, letting us both in not saying anything but just whistling a familiar tune, I was too angry to name it.

"Thanks for tonight, I'll see you in the morning." I said from over my shoulder, accepting defeat. Maybe he really hadn't heard me.

•••

"I can't believe I'm doing this." I sighed, softly knocking on Ross' door. I heard shuffling before I was staring at Ross' bare chest and my eyes wandered up towards his face, being taken aback at the sight of his puffy eyes.

"I never stopped." He whispered making my heart physically ache and without thinking I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest letting all hell break loose.

"How could everything just turn out like this?" I asked. "I was young and stupid and I didn't know any better." I rambled. "I live with so much regret everyday, but not once have I ever regretted you."

His hand tentatively ran though my hair as he listened to me, like he always had.

"Why didn't you answer me before?"

When he didn't answer right away I pulled back to see him silently crying, but his face was void of emotion, tears were just steadily falling. He looked down, almost as if he were ashamed.

"Because I shouldn't love you." His voice broke, and he almost looked pained trying to hold his emotions back. I found myself looking down at the floor too.

In this game of life we shouldn't do a lot of things. For example we shouldn't lie, cheat, steal, murder. There's not one thing on there about being in love, but there damn well should be, because being in love, a love like this at least is painful and demands to be felt.

So I ignored the game of life, and the voice in my head telling me that I'm a damn fool, and I planted my lips on his.

He wasn't stunned, in fact he had responded almost immediately, sighing in what seemed like relief before pulling me closer to him.

Being with Ross is something my body would never forget, after years of being apart, my body still remembers how to move with his. My hands still remember all of his curves, and my lips know just what they were searching for.

He began to walk backwards, leading me into his room that I still had yet to see, I gasped in shock as he fell backwards dragging me down with him only to be cushioned by his bed.

I would make some cheesy metaphor about how I could never forget how to be with him in the same way you never forget how to ride a bike.

But I'm sorry to say that every intelligible thought flew out the window and got hit by an 18 wheeler.

•••

It was the smell of cologne and musk, it was his stubbly chin going across my face, his shallow breathing and his vice tight grip that I woke up to.

Both of our naked bodies had created a heat that was making us both sweat so I struggled to free half of my body from the blankets, my legs being met with the cool air. I sighed, content.

At last.

I took a minute to pretend as if this was a regular occurrence, that Ross and I have lived in this house together and that this is the bed we share each night.

That we both work during the day and come home at night, each taking turns preparing dinner, talking about our days before tending to laundry or washing the dishes together.

My brain did a 180 degree turn on me again as I was bombarded by visions of the little brown haired hazel eyed children. This time instead of decent sized six year olds they were newborns, both laying in the middle of the living room floor as Ross softly strummed his guitar. The tiny cherubs slept peacefully and I opened my eyes to wipe at the tears that had formed.

I must be insane. Reality finally sunk in, I've been here for less than a week, and I slept with Ross. I don't feel ashamed for it though.

But for the first time I feel hopeful. Being here away from the media and drama that was my life in New York, and my hectic up bringing in Indiana, I finally feel as if the world had finally decided to stop throwing shit at me.

Maybe being alone with Ross in Utah was exactly how everything was supposed to turn out.

This part is hope.

••••••

YO DOUBLE UPDATE BOI

ALRIGHT SO IM JUST GOING TO THROW A RANDOM CHARACTER Q&A BC I HAVENT TALKED TO YALL IN A WHILE

Questions for Caspian

Questions for Ross

Questions for Keith

Questions for any other character

Questions for me

THANKS FOR READING

-Aliah