Alone With Ross

•93•

Dinner last night smoothed over the awkward scene Ross had caused, both he and Danielle didn't join us, but this morning at breakfast they were there as I sat and joined the rest.

April couldn't be bothered to come down. Piper sat her hair astray as she sat with her daughter on her lap. I've been witnessing the ugly side of parenting while I was here and most of it consisted of Piper covered in food, or having to smell for diaper changes, and even going as far as having to stick her finger in her daughters mouth constantly because she had picked something up the wasn't edible.

Vi and her fiancé sat at the head of the table, and everyone seemed to be in good spirits. "Good morning Caspian." Vi greeted me and I waved back sitting down beside Danny who offered me a lopsided grin.

The longer I sat, I realized that the awkward tension hadn't gone away much to my chagrin. "What's on the agenda?" I started a topic making Vi slump with relief.

"Today we're doing the last fittings for the bridal crew." She threw her napkin on her plate and started picking the plates up and Richard stood to help.

•••

"You know, I've never seen you in anything else but black." Piper was leaning against the wall of the dressing room as I tried to hike the dress up my hips.

"Well you might not get to see me in anything else because the damn thing won't go up." I stepped out of it looking at the tags of this lilac velvet slip dress only to see Pipers name on it. "This is yours!" I threw it at her making us both laugh.

"I just wanted to see you struggle. You have an ass, be proud." She threw the on she had at me and I slipped it on with ease, getting out of the dressing room while she did the same.

As soon as I stepped out Ross did as well, donning a lilac vest and grey suit pants, the jacket rested across a chair as he walked over to the four way mirror to adjust his collar to put the bow tie on.

Watching him struggle I sighed stepping into view of the mirror and he looked at me warily. "I would make this a cliche romantic moment and help you tie your tie, but I have no fucking clue how." I said timidly and the smile that broke out on his face as he rolled his eyes was worth every once of suffering I've been through these past years.

I'll suffer no more after this shitshow of a wedding is done.

"Well that sucks, I happen to like cliches." He quipped and I rolled my eyes back at him as he finally turned around getting a good look at me. "Wow." He breathed out. "Last time I saw you in a dress was junior prom."

"That was actually the last time I was in a dress." I shrugged pulling the fabric down a bit.

"It was a great night. First time I actually saw you dance." He chuckled.

"I've improved, I promise. I'm way past the phase of fist pumping and jumping, I learned how to dance every dance in every country." I shrugged nonchalantly.

"Okay hotshot, you'll have to prove it at the reception." He winked and I looked away.

"It's funny." I began quietly. "To be getting ready for a wedding for a woman twice our age. I mean I'm happy Vi found Richard. But when will I find mine?" After I said it allowed I regretted it. Feeling so pathetic still trying to confide in him like this, as if I had the right to be telling him this things. "I don't think I'll ever settle down."

"Caspian, I- I." He looked at me focused and I looked at him curiously. "I'm sorry for the way I acted last night."

"You don't have to apologize to me, you didn't really do anything wrong." I shrugged my shoulders. "I was just confused."

"I was too." He sighed. "About a lot of things."

I looked at him cautiously. "Does it have something to do with Danielle?" I whispered. And he nodded in return as he looked at his cuff links.

Wanting to pry I was about to ask him what but speak of the devil.

"Oh don't you look handsome." Danielle smiled at Ross as she walked into the room and he smiled back giving me a pointed relook and I sighed getting up. "Do you need help with your tie?" Ross nodded and I hid my laughter as I walked back towards the dressing room.

"Have fun with your cliche." I muttered, hoping he heard me.

•••

There's very few things that could bother me. Of course number one on my list being not knowing what others think about me. For some reason others opinions had always made huge impacts on my decisions.

As I sat outside under the stars by this murky creek, I've come to a conclusion.

Nobody could possibly care for Ross as much as I do. Here I am contemplating over his problems even after I promised myself that I wouldn't.

But how could I not? I would go to hell and back for this man, and there's a small part of my brain telling me that he wouldn't do the same. But I can't help but not mind it.

Well, I do mind, but not enough to stop caring.

Danielle has done something, something that has Ross stressing and that automatically puts Danielle on my list.

I'm angry at myself. More than usual. Because I'm so pathetic for Ross that I already have a vow to avenge him if need be.

"What is wrong with me?" I groaned. Why can't I ever seem to shake these feelings for him? Why must my heart continue it's plaguing ways.

Why do I still love him?

"He's engaged ." I said to absolutely no one, like the lunatic I am.

And what kid of monster would I be if I told him I loved him when he's in love with someone else?

••••••••

Boom, last line actually came from a poem I wrote

AND SPEAKING OF POEMS.

I have been working exclusively on a poetry for about oh, I don't know... three years.

And I want to get it actually published, but I was wondering if you'd like a sneak peek before I do?

Basically premise of the poetry book is surrounding the theme of unrequited love, meaning to love someone and not be loved back.

So basically I apply this theme to all aspects of my life. All of my loves, my passions, my family.

It's really deep and personal and it might hurt a lot of people but if it didn't than was it even worth writing?

Anyway main two people in my life if bounces back and forth about is my unrequited love of seven years, and my mother.

So if you'd like to see it please let me know :)

ALSO THANKS FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY WISHES. can't believe I'm 17 .-.

Thanks for reading, voting, commenting and following!

Love, Aliah