Alone With Ross

56

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ross asked again and I rolled my eyes.

"I just have a headache." I mumbled and he kept looking at me unsure.

It has been thirty minutes of us just sitting here, we've already covered all of our basic conversations, like school, and Piper, and Mama Vi.

And I just started feeling worse and worse, and without saying anything to Ross he seemed to know something was up.

Ever since that damn shed, I can't be in spaces like this for large amounts of time. It's like PTSD or something. If I'm in here for any longer, I'm going to start to remember things, things I don't exactly want to remember.

I was sitting inside of the bathtub while Ross was sat on the floor, leaning back on the broken door. I tried for the first fifteen minutes to break it open but it was useless.

I leaned my head back looking at the ceiling, trying to picture myself out of here but it didn't seem to be working.

"Just to clarify, I wasn't in on this." Ross said quietly from across the small space, distracting me. "But, since we're here, why not talk?"

I rolled my head down to look at him and laughed. "That's the only thing they wanted us to do, I was just waiting on you." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Okay, so..." He looked towards me and away in the same second. "Wow, now that I'm given the opportunity, I just blanked." He laughed a little. "I prepared a whole speech."

"Yeah?" I laughed too. "John Green worthy?"

"Nicholas Sparks worthy." he played along wiggling his eyebrows making me laugh.

"I miss that." He said smiling towards me and I just smiled back because what else is there to do? Reminisce on what could've been?

"Okay, okay. We're getting sidetracked. Get on with the speech." I said sternly, my insides doing flips from the way he was looking at me.

He laughed and nodded his head, taking in a deep breath. "When I was younger, my parents would get called to the school, I would say at least twice a week."

"They couldn't find out what was wrong with me and why I kept misbehaving, so they thought harsh punishments would do the trick." He shrugged his shoulders. "It wasn't until I beat the shit out of this kid in my class for tapping that my school counselor had recommended I see a child therapist." he rubbed his hands on his jeans. "My parents were more than happy to get some sort of directions to figure out what was wrong with me, I-I was just upset that they hadn't tried harder themselves."

"I saw the shrink every Tuesday, and Thursday. And after a year of seeing her she had finally concluded that I have IED."

My eyebrows pulled together in confusion trying to figure out what it was but he answered for me. "Intermittent Explosive Disorder." He sighed. "It's an anger disorder." He clarified and I nodded my head in understanding.

"So... you blew up at me?" I asked feeling confused and he seemed to pause. I don't really remember him bursting before.

"Well that's the thing." He was wringing his hands together nervously. "You see, I'm an idiot who still believes, or well believed that when you're with your soulmate, you're healed." He sighed. "Of everything, your past regrets, mistakes... disorders."

"Ross." I sighed shaking my head, my eyes welling up with tears.

He continued talking almost as if I couldn't stop him. "So I did a test of sorts, I stopped taking my pills for a week, and I still felt okay around you, two weeks, I was still okay. By the third week I had completely forgotten about the pills because being around you... was better than any prescription drug." I held my hand over my mouth, in disbelief at what I was hearing.

"I was two months in, free of my pills, free from my anger and full of you." He shook his head. "it all came crashing down kinda like a domino affect. First my car wouldn't start, then we had to ride that damn bus." His teeth gritted. "And that asshole." He shook his head. "then to top everything off, I ended up hurting the one who I loved most, a-and then you hurt me back." His voice came out as a whisper.

"Do you know how it felt to... to be that close to you each night, a-and not to not be able to hold you?" He clutched at his hair. "I mean, how is it humanly possible to have nightmares almost every night?"

I was watching him slowly coming undone. This is Ross, this is the guy who I've come to rely on constantly and I'm sitting here in a damn bathtub watching him break apart in front of me.

Snapping out of my thoughts I got out of the tub and crawled towards him, I put my hands on his cheeks as he stared up at me in bewilderment. "Ross," I cried out. "You idiot." I hugged him tightly and he gasped holding onto me for dear life. "Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked.

He sniffled. "I-It's not exactly something I'd want to scream across rooftops." He joked and I slapped the back of his head making him wince.

"But none of this would've ever happened." I shook my head. "you made me question everything I ever knew about you... I had been in my own brain for the past couple months and it sucked ass!" I put my hands on his cheeks again. "I didn't even know if we were in love!" His smile dropped and my face got red as I realized I started to ramble.

"I-I mean... I-it's a funny story really-"

"I still love you." He said quietly. He looked up at me, panic stricken. "You still love me don't you?"

••••••••••••••

I'm tired of being nice all the time... ya know?

If I see one more damn grammar nazi IM GOING TO LOSE IT.

I mean, I'm almost sixteen years old, I have a lexile score of 1,800 which is the maximum for senior students, I study the Elizabethan language (or Shakespearian but that's not it's proper name, I'm a nerd sue me) I've been reading since I was four years old , I'm a published poet, you think I don't know the difference between there, their and they're?

And I mean after taking the time out of my day to write for you guys, someone has the audacity to just comment all of my mistakes?

Whatever. It's been a rough couple of months for me, and I hate that it's getting to the point where I hate being on here.

-Aliah