I Needed to, I Had to

This "empty" Day

I was staring at the roof. The words of this man were repeating in my head, again and again.

" Leave her or you're not my son anymore! I'm not going to let you spoil your brillant future for this kind of woman! You already have a fiancée, and you were so excited when I said it was Krystal since she is your first crush. Why are you dishonoring you by giving any attention to a girl that will probably do everything to be pregnant and then claim she is your wife?! She is taking advantage of you because you're rich!"

It hurt me. I didn't even know he was rich until a few days! He lied to me on almost everything, I can't even say what is true and what is false! I'm the one who was always true to him during this entire year but I'm the one who is accused of being a gold digger. Why is it happening to me? What did I do for god to punish me like that?

I turned my head toward the clock on wall. 4 AM, I didn't even sleep a minute. I was just repeating all his lies in my head. I once asked him if he wasn't rich just to joke, he told me no, he wasn't with such a disgusted face....What a big lie! I even asked him if he had a girlfriend before me, he told me he never love any girl before me. I shouldn't have been so stupid! I should have ask Taemin....But even him... Why didn't he tell me that Kai was lying to me?! Was it a kind of game for them? Was it funny to see me being all excited about loving a man that I don't even know? Was I the only one who take this relationship seriously?

I turned my head toward Kai, who was sleeping next to me. His sleeping face was so cute and I remembered every time I woke up to this view. I was probably the only one truly enjoying it. I got up slowly and quietly so Kai wouldn't wake up too. I went to the mirror and I looked at myself. I looked like a panda with my big dark circles. My hair were all messy, I was pale and thinner than ever. Am I happy? I thought I was, but look at me! I'm pathetic... I'm sticking to an engaged man that lied to me. If he didn't love his fiancé I could at least told myself to don't worry but...His first crush...How can he not love her? Even though he told me that he love me and will fight for us....How do you expect me to believe him? How am I supposed to think that I'm in my place?

For the first time since I'm here, I want to go back home. I want to run to my mom's arms, cry in her shoulder, let her scold me for being so silly. I wish I could at least have one person on my side, one person that trustworthy who'd listen to me but...I'm all alone here, nobody's on my side, they are all against me. The only one I thought I could trust lied to me all the time! What am I even doing here with him? I must be more stupid than I thought. I slept with him, even when I knew he lied to me again saying he don't really know his fiancée. I put my left hand before my eyes and stared at the little silver ring. I can remember Kai forcing me to wear it saying since he still can't bought me the real ring, I can wear this one so everybody would know I'm taken. I put it out my finger and hold it tight in my fist, ready to throw it but instead, I let my arm fall along my body as a tear did the same on my face. I needed to go out of here, I need to leave this house, this country. I had to go back home or I will probably die here! I can't take it, I needed to be far away from everyone.

My decision was taken. I put some of my clothes in my bag quietly and left the room. I tried not to wake up Kai's family and went downstairs. When I was about to open the door, I hesitated. Shouldn't I at least leave a letter to explain him? What if he truly love me and I'm leaving him like this? And as If God was sending the answer to me, I heard Kai's father talking on the phone.

"Don't worry Krystal! It's not the first time Kai play with a girl just to anger me. He just choose her because he damn know black woman are worthless to my eyes! He loves you, don't you spend some alone time together recently?!"