I Needed to, I Had to

Arguing

*Tiana's POV*

Weeks went on and JongIn was the same as previous weeks, working all day long, working sometimes even more at night while I was sleeping in our room. He seemed even more tired as time was going on and the time we were spending together was becoming shorter. The time I was spending alone when Jason was at school and everybody was working, was giving me more time to think. I wasn't scared of being outside as I was before. Kyungsoo wasn't protecting me anymore but I still felt safe. However I still had that uneasy feeling about Taewon's death and Taemin avoiding me for weeks was worrying me. JongIn being busy I couldn't even share that with him.

Kevin's trial date was decided and I had been left with just a few days to get ready to go back in USA. JongIn was supposed to come with me so I couldn't blame him for working more so he would take some advance before being away. I was getting stressed because I hadn't seen Kevin since he had revealed to me where I could find the proofs about JongIn's father guilt and I was supposed to then face him at the trial and try to convince people that he needed help more than he needed to be locked away. More than being anxious about my role in his future, the fact that he was the only one I could face in this trial was angering me in someway. JongIn's father was still out there, walking free, probably not even guilty for his granddaughter's death. Taewon was dead and would never face justice.

My mind was going crazy with all that and the void left by Jongin next to me in bed at night was letting place to my nightmares. They had changed, it wasn't about me being attacked by taewon anymore, it was more scary. I most of the time was left alone somewhere and then I could hear people shouting that it was my fault, that I was guilty for everything. Then if I wasn't awaken by JongIn hearing me panicking in the bedroom I would wake up after a pool of sticky and dark liquid would swallow me and The shock would wake me up, making me vomit in the worst cases, breathing being hard and panic enveloping me.

JongIn had told me it was because I was just anxious about Kevin's trial but I couldn't bring myself to tell him my dreams had nothing to do with Kevin anymore. Hopefully, it wasn't every night but when it happened I was helplessly hugging JongIn as a way to make sure, he couldn't leave my side.

Once I even hit him hard enough for him to have a blue in my panic. After that accident he told me that if I wasn't getting better once Kevin's trial was finished, he would force me to get some help because he was scared I would end up seriously hurt him or myself. I refuses again saying I would be better then but I was not so sure about that.

So there I was, sat on the bed after I had finished my suitcase and Jason's one. He didn't seem that happy to leave, we didn't want him to worry so I had told him that we were only going to show our apartment to JongIn and introduce him to everybody in America. He came to me in the room and silently sat on the floor.

"What's wrong?

-We are coming back, right?

- What? Of course we are.

-When?

-I don't know... We have a lot to do back home...

-Home is here." He said looking at is feet.

I got up and sat on the floor next to him. I laced my arm around his little shoulder. He put his head against my chest and looked at me with puppy eyes.