I Needed to, I Had to

"511" (Part 2) [M]

Kai's POV

Each time we were doing progress she was stepping back. She started to talk and then locked her heart. I had already managed to know more than before. The diary, her feelings but I knew there was things way deeper.

She was there, with eyes closed and shaking hands and even if I knew I shouldn't have push her, I couldn't help but think that letting her keep everything for herself will only hurt her more. When I held her, just to keep her from running from me and she screamed, I saw the most fearful stare she ever gave me, it was like her mind was completely gone.

At this moment I don't know what went by my mind. I stand silent in front her, letting the whole conversation to print in my mind. During a moment I asked myself what I should have done but all of this had been thrown away by the only though that I only knew one way to make her open to me, the only moment when she couldn't blame herself for being vulnerable.

"No, It's not enough and I will show you why."

I unbuttoned my shirt, unzipped my pants and put it off with my boxers. She was still standing, naked with her eyes closed. I entered the bath and pushed on her shoulder to make her sit in the bathtub with me. She let out a gasp as she was surprised but leaned her back on my chest as my back was against the bathtub. I laced my arms around her waist and started kissing her neck.

"I love you and you're not disgusting ." I whispered to her ear before kissing her hair.

"I am.

-Then let me prove you wrong."

I softly took her right breast in my hand but she immediately slapped my hand off.

"Don't touch me without notice.

-I won't do it again. Can I touch you?" She hesitantly nodded.

"I'm going to touch your breast then."

I tried again and this time she let me do it. I could feel some tension in her muscles so I kissed her neck to sooth her. She relaxed and even leaned a bit in my touch. I massaged her breast until I could hear this way of breathing she has every time pleasure starts raising in her.

"I'm going to touch your thigh.

-Ok." Her voice was just a whisper but I could hear the fear in it.

I put my free hand on her thigh and sweetly stroke it. She let out a moan and slowly threw her head back on my shoulder. I kissed her cheek and a weak smile appeared on her half opened lips. She turned her head toward me and looked at my eyes. She cupped my face with a hand and stroked my cheek with her thumb as I was still stroking her thigh and playing with her breast.

"I missed you.

-Me too. I was miserable without you." She straightened up and turned to sit astride on me. My chest felt suddenly really cold without her body sticked to mine.