Red vs Blue Oneshots

north x york x wash

_Malio_ this one's for you!!! I hope I met your expectations. XD

(au where everything is happy and pure)

"I'M NOT LOST, OKAY?! I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING!"

Oh, road trips. Some of life's greatest moments happen on the road... and some of life's worst.

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT ROAD WE'RE ON?!"

North sat in the back of their SUV, squeezing his ears shut as he watched his two lovers scream back and forth at each other. Wash, in the passenger seat, was totally peeved at how York, the driver, got them lost. North understood where Wash was coming from of course, but York's attempts to cover it up just made it worse. They were lost. He knew it.

"BECAUSE IT'S A SECRET!"
"WHAT KIND OF SECRET IS THAT?!"
"A GOOD ONE!"

North sighed, cringing at how recklessly York was driving now that him and Wash were in a screaming match. "Guys," The purple and green armored soldier mumbled, rolling his eyes at their stupidity.

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST ADMIT YOU'RE LOST?!"

North held his hands out, raising his voice just a bit, "Guys."

"WELL, WASH. IT WOULD BE PRETTY STUPID TO ADMIT SOMETHING THAT ISN'T TRUE, DON'T YOU THINK?!"

The sandy blond Freelancer gritted his teeth, running a hand through his hair, "Let's all ju-" His patience was almost at a zero when Wash interrupted him to snarl at York.

"IT IS TRUE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT CANDY!!!"
"HEY, YORKS ARE ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD!"
"ON WHAT PLANET?!"

North growled, slamming his hands on the console in front of him, "GUYS!" The two instantly snapped out of their yelling fight; Wash looked back at North while York glanced at him through the rearview mirror. North raising his voice was rare, and when he did, they knew he meant business.

"York. Stop being such a stubborn prick and pull over. Wash. Cut York some slack; he's been driving for these past 3 hours," North exchanged glances with the two, raising his eyebrows as they nodded reluctantly.

The tan Ex-Freelancer sighed, turning the steering wheel to the right. The highway was about empty at 3 am, so he had no trouble with pulling over.

"Wash, you get in the back. I'll drive," North opened his car door, and shot Wash a look saying try me once he started to rebuttal. Wash's shoulders dropped; he knew he lost that battle.

Once everyone was in their seats again, North pulled back on to the freeway. The next few minutes were awkward; no one dared to speak. Wash cleared his throat, placing a gentle hand on York's arm, "I uh... I'm sorry for calling you a shitty piece of candy..." His eyes drifted down to the floorboards, but once York put his hand over Wash's the nerd lifted his eyes.

"It's okay... Sorry for getting us lost," The foxy man grinned, sharing a quick apologetic kiss with Wash. North smiled warmly at the two, reaching over and grabbing York's hand to squeeze it. "One big happy family, again."

"Oh, shush," Wash waved a dismissive hand at the blond, rolling his eyes as he sat back in the car. This was gonna be a longggg ride...

***

The sound of North snores filled the SUV, and Wash and York swear under their breath. "Can I please smash his head in the window?" York hisses in Wash's ear, a feeling that makes him almost want to giggle.

It was Wash's turn to drive, with North in the passenger seat leaning on Wash's shoulder while York sat in the back. Their shifts lasted about 2 hours each and right now, it was about 5 am. York and Wash desperately wanted sleep, but they didn't want to leave one person awake and lonely... Besides, their destination might be just up ahead.

What's their destination you might ask? They have no clue. They just packed up some shit and headed for the road. They hoped to see the Grand Canyon, or maybe even Mount Rushmore. They were from America, of course. But they never really got to experience it before the war. Now was the chance to.

After North took over for York on driving, they got back on the right track. They always do with him around, anyways.

Wash chuckled under his breath, "York, that's rude." The brunette puffed his lips like a horse, and then yell whispered into his ear again, "Oh, please! You know you wanna do it, too!"

The snoring was getting unbearable. Seriously. How could one man snore like a million thunder clouds?! Wash was tempted to smash his head into the steering wheel multiple times, but was afraid the air bags might go off if he did...

Finally, after a series of erupted little snorts, North woke. York sighed, throwing his hands in the air in victory as North rubbed his eyes. Wash rotated his shoulder a bit, getting the stiffness out of it from the purple Freelancer.

"It's about damn time," Wash scowled, glancing at North then back at the road. "Huh?" North sleepily blinks at his lover, clueless as he ruffles his bedhead. "FOR GOD'S SAKE, KEEP YOUR SNORES TO YOURSELF!" York erupted, making Wash and North wince from the volume level.

"Well, you could've just woken me up," North shrugged, innocently exchanging eye contact with his two car mates. There was a silence and Wash showed him a beaming smile, "Nah, you looked too peaceful." The dork then leaned over to peck him on the nose, using his knee to keep the wheel straight for those few seconds.

North just stares blankly at the two, and then grumbles, "Fuck you guys, okay." York, taking advantage of the opportunity, smirks that foxy grin of his and moves closer to his victim, "...When and where, baby?"

Wash and North both groan, while York snickers to himself in the safety of the backseat. "That's it, I'm comin' back there," North tries to stifle a smile, unbuckling and crawling into the backseat. "WOOHOO!" York cheers, happy to have some company in the lonely back.

"Aw, no fair," Wash pouts, immediately pulling over and shutting off the engine. "Well then, come 'ere," York purred, patting the seat beside him. Once everyone was in the back, their bodies started to tangle together.

North leaned against the window with York's head in his lap. Wash's pillow was now York's stomach, and he laid between the brunette's legs for extra comfort. North ran his fingers through York's hair, and Wash toyed with the jaw string of York's sweatpants.

They sat in silence, trying not to fall into sleep's trap. After a yawn, York wrapped his legs around Wash's midsection and smiled, "North, if you start snoring again I will gladly toss you out this god damned window." The blond chuckled whole-heartedly, gazing down at his two lovelies, "Yes sir."

A few moments passed before Wash broke the tranquility, "Hey, guys?" They both hummed a response, too tired to speak any actual words. Wash trailed his hand up and down York's leg, staring at the ceiling as he bit his lip. He knew he would get crap for what he had to say. "...I have to pee."

"...GOD DAMNIT!"