single wife| myg

nineteen

【yoongi's log】

it's harder to care for a woman than a child.
it's even harder when that woman doesn't realize that she is one.

miso is in this place in her life where she's been raised up with extraordinary talents and smarts but is confined to this cookie cutter approach to life.

she still sees herself as a little girl confined to the rules of her parents household, not realizing that she is grown and she is mature enough to start making her own rules and choices.

i hope that by taking her to these places that she'll take little bits of inspiration and create her own lifestyle and when she returns home it will be impossible for her to fit into her parents mold without this overwhelming desire to break free and be herself.

i've seen the inner conflict from day one. she always thinks of how others will react to her actions before she thinks of her own opinions on the matter..that needs to stop.

now I'm going to be straight forward with it, i'm afraid of what will happen to us after this trip.

we've never spent much time together without someone else to distract us, and so miso and I never exactly got the opportunity to make our relationship clear.

do i treat her as a friend and hopefully she accepts me as her lover later?

do i continue to make advances or do i back off so she doesn't feel pressured?

she's already risking a lot as it is and the last thing i want is to make her more uncomfortable and think that i only see her as an object i must obtain.

but the thing is...i feel like me waiting for her to be comfortable is just my own excuse for being too scared or insecure in myself to confront my feelings.

and that's not me..i know it's not. i feel like whoever the real min yoongi is should know exactly what he wants and do everything in his power to reach that goal.

and i mean yeah I asked her out a few times but...i've never gave her my heart, never showed her just how much her love would mean to me.

and what would i do if she did accept me?

i feel like i'm waiting on fate to suddenly make us attracted to each other...but what if fate wants me to make the first move? what if the possibility of us working out or never being together is all in my hands?

ish...i don't know..but that's why i need this..i need to figure out who i am and maybe finding myself will help me figure out my approach to all of this, help me to know if i actually even love miso the way i think i do, or if it was just a well thought out fantasy that wasn't meant to be.

all of this is making my head throb..i wish i had a drink. maybe i'll just settle for a quick nap..

【end log】