thirty four

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I didn't realize I lost myself so much over time. I just had no clue. but I supposed I should've known. whenever I wasn't with others I felt lost. like I had no purpose, uncomfortable even.

if i wasn't with my parents I was studying and if I wasn't studying I was with chanhee and if I wasn't with him then I was volunteering, and the list can go on forever.

sitting down, I had pulled the mirror off the wall and sett it across from me on the couch. taking a moment as I read the questions again.

"when and where are you happiest?"

smiling I wrote down my answer on a notebook line.

at home on my weekend with chanhee, it's bed time and he sleeps with me.

"who are you most attracted to?"

me! ( ◠‿◠ )

"if you could be anything what would you be?"

pause. staring at the question I tried to process, running my mind through the many options, after a moment my hand began to wield the pen.

professionally...I don't know.theres so many choices..that's like asking me to pick my favorite star in the sky.

in my personal life however; I know I want to be a good daughter to my parents..even if now they might be disappointed with the changes i've made for myself. I want to be a sister my siblings can look up to.

and the best mom chanhee could have.
If i really could become anything then I'd like to become happy no matter where life takes me. I'd like to own a dog or a cat and live in happiness.

perhaps have someone to lean on.

I'd like to be the girl who has a guy that looks cute when he cooks. can I say that? perhaps that's a little selfish but a man who can cook is the cutest type to me!

anyway. I just want to be someone who lives life with positivity.

I set the pen down and nod, yawning into my hand as I turned to stand, glancing over
at yoongi; messy bed head as he laid across the bed; slowly I dim the lamp I had been using and turn to lay on the couch.

"oh!"

quickly I turn back to the notebook, though sloppy I quickly wrote; using my phone as a flashlight.

oh and whatever becomes of me and yoongi...I want to play that role in his life the best I can.
even if we don't like each other romantically..I want to be the first person he can call on, even if it makes his future wife angry.

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