Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Katie

The venue was quiet, cold and quiet. Then again it was 1pm and we were only just soundchecking. Soundchecks had always made me more nervous however and as Fliss and Saff stood giggling as they rapped into their mics and serenaded us all with Feel Good Inc I couldn't help but feel myself quivering, dreading my turn.

The problem with illegal highs is that you have to come down eventually, for one reason or another. None of us were addicted, not really, we could give up anytime, well all of us except possibly Fliss, who was rarely sober for more than an hour at a time. But addicted or not the comedowns were insufferable and I was certainly suffering.

"One two," I said quietly into the microphone laughing at Saff and Fliss who were still cutting in with their own.

"Shukka shukka,"

"Feel good," I bit back a smile as I joined in and for five minutes my nerves calmed a little.

I was lucky really I'd come down when I did, any later and I'd have been a total wreck, eyes watering, heart thudding in my chest as my stomach churned and I struggled to breath through the anxiety, the jitters, the paranoia and crushing depression that had overwhelmed me at first.

After soundcheck Fliss and Alice disappeared with Jazz to go and find his mates, they liked to wander round town bribing people to come to our gig with promises of free drinks and drugs. Sometimes all it took were a cigarette and a pint, sometimes all it took was a smile from Fliss.

"Evening starshine," smiled Saff softly as I sat down beside her and leant against the bar, eyes fluttering shut as I tried to smile through my headache.

"Whats up buttercup?" I asked and she sighed and shook her head.

"Oh you know," she said softly but I didn't know. I'd never had my heartbroken because I'd never had a boyfriend and the sorry look lingering in her eyes left me feel lost. How do you comfort someone whos going through something you can't comprehend, how can you tell them its going to get better when you know it probably won't. "He still loves me you know..." she said adamantly looking into her glass, swirling the ice and the pepsi, watching the lime bob around in her drink.

"Saffy," I sighed eyes on the door hoping for Fliss or Alice to come back at any moment, to sweep in and distract from the tension, to cocoon around her shoulders and call her something sweet.

But they didn't come back until the venue started filling up, until half way through the first support act after Saff had overstepped her limits a little and was struggling to stand.

"Whats the craic my lovelies," beamed alice taking Saffs drink and downing it herself whilst I watched in envy. All I wanted was one tiny sip. I was bristling with anticipation, bristling with the knowledge of an almost sold out show. Every time I took a nervous bathroom break I'd gaze into the mirror and shake a little more. I didn't understand how Fliss and the girls could do it really. I never would.

"Do doo do ya do ya wanna wanna knowwwwww how long till we goooo on," sang Fliss cheerfully a little tipsy a little high, I couldn't tell which. She was that fluffy kind of drunk, cute and careless without being so far gone that I worried she'd struggle to sing.

"Not really," I swallowed sipping my water, freezing as we left the green room and my eyes caught sight of some familiar faces. Faces we'd not invited.

"Awww he's come to see you play how cute," winked Fliss nudging me as my mouth went dry and Benji smiled slightly, Van waving us over with a pint in his hand.

"You didn't tell us you were gigging near us..." he grinned pulling us each into a hug. "Glad Larry saw Alice in town.... bribed him in with a pint..."