Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Saffron

"She looks dead sweet when she's sleepin," i could hear two people talking, one a little far away, the other sending vibrations through my jaw with every word they spoke.

"Who Saff?" they asked, it tickled my skin but I wasn't smiling because of that. I was smiling because it was Johnny. "She looks sweet all the time to be honest mate," he let out a tired chuckle, I wondered whether the smile had ever really met his eyes.

"Why don't you tell her then mate..." that other voice was Van, "its not all that contraversial an idea," he was teasing, even now, when the world felt so heavy on my chest, even now when the world must have felt heavy on his too.

"Because," started Bondy, but I wasn't sure I really wanted to hear his reasons why, "Fuck I don't know do I, if she's got somet going on with fuckin Matty Healy then I don't wanna get involved,"

"Are you fuckin kiddin me?" sniggered Van, "I don't get it are you insecure or just really fuckin dumb?"

I felt Bondy chuckling with him, felt him shrug his shoulders, felt his fingers graze my cheek as he pushed my hair away from my eyes.

"Mate shes been through the fuckin works, she probably doesn't want anythin do with men in general ever again,"

"Give over," smirked Van and when I heard his chair scrape across the floor I thought it was because he was leaving. Actually it was just to make room for someone else. "Hey my baby girls back," he said in a lighter, sort of tender tone. I wondered whether he was holding his arms out for Fliss to crawl into, tired and weary eyed. Emotionally exhausted.

"You talkin about Bondys big girly crush again?" she yawned drawing another laugh from Van and another humbled chuckle from Johnny, his thumb stroking my shoulder as he leant back in his chair.

"Fuck off the both of yous," he shook his head and I felt myself stir, one of those strange paralysing shivers that takes hold of your whole body, leaves your skin tingling.

"Oh," i smiled opening my eyes, lashes a flutter as I struggled to hold my body up, sit up straight against his chest, "you made it,"

"Aye just about, just about scathed past that purple sea monster on the ferry over didnt we Van," he grinned, shifting me up in his lap, his smile only lasting as long as it took him to look in my eyes. When he met my eyes he saw the whites of them and swallowed down a lump in his throat.

"Yeah it was a close shave that, had the boat by the tenticles, throwin us around all over the place," Van grinned along, when I looked to Fliss she wore a small smile and when her eyes met mine it twitched. Mine twitched too.

"You're the one that should be in here," i mumbled too tired to hold my head up, letting it loll against his chest, feeling the stumble on his chin graze my cheek when he leant down to mumble in my ear.

"Gave us a scare lass,"

"I know," said softly, nestling into him, scared he wouldn't accept my apology, "I'm really fuckin sorry Johnny," I said it so quietly that Fliss and Van didn't hear me, but when Bondy let out a soft little laugh and asked what for Fliss smirked, changed her mind and let out a sigh.

"She keeps apologising to everyone," she said, "can't get through to her that no one wants her to, even Matty, she was apologisin to him for twenty minutes straight,"

"Hardly owes him an apology does she, he's not even fuckin here," grumbled Van, one of his moods taking him at the mention of Mattys name. I wasn't really sure why but Fliss seemed in on it, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Ey you, he was being really good earlier, be fair to him," she said but Van just scowled, a small grin breaking only when he turned on her.

"Oh my god," he chuckled, "I've let yous sleep on me all fuckin night and all of a sudden you're team Healy what the fuck!"