Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Fliss

Spending the week before Glastonbury at Rudy's grandmas had been a good idea, not my idea, Alex's actually, but still an excellent idea all the same.

I sat on the patio smoking a cigarette and sipping wine with Elaine - that was Rudy's Nana - and talking about the usual things.

"I saw you on the television the other day," she smiled, "I can't remember which channel you were on now, but it was brilliant, you and Saffy were singing,"

"Oh right yeah, that wasn't our song," I smiled softly but she shook her head.

"It should be, no one else sings it better," she smiled and though it was a lovely compliment, I knew for a fact that she had no idea who else had ever sung the song. If she had she wouldn't have said it.

"You should get Rudy and Matty to take you on tour with them, wouldn't that be nice!"

"I don't think Mattys managers would let him," I chuckled, "bit too famous for that now aren't they,"

"Oh no," she brushed me off with a smile, "he's hardly Elvis," I liked Elaine, the way she swept everything she didnt agree with under the carpet, the way she was so permanently underwhelmed by everything.
"Now tell me about Saffron," she leant in a little closer, her hushed tone insinuating something I wasn't sure I liked. "Is she still with that horrid young man... What was his name?"

"Rhys," I said softly shaking my head, "no, I don't think so, I think thats finally over," I looked up at the third floor window I knew she was lying behind, leaning back in a bath full of bubbles trying to shut out the world.

"Oh good!" beamed Elaine, "you know I always worry about you girls, and what with you and that awful Dan and Saffy with him, I never stopped,"

"You didnt have to," I smiled giggling a little as I brushed her off, I didnt like to think about Danny, I didnt like to think of a lot of people I'd met before I'd met Van.

"As long as she's alright now, what happened?" She asked and so I proceeded to tell her the long and short and watched her facial expression morph from placid to sorrow and anger. She smiled when I finished, when I told her about the lads and the way things were now. How settled she finally seemed to be. It was comforting to reiterate it back to myself let alone be able to tell Elaine that for once, everything was fine.

"I just can't understand where you find those sorts, you're both beautiful girls, absolutely charming, and talented... Where on earth are you meeting such god awful men,"

"They're always lovely when you first meet them," I shrugged, "and Danny was never nasty like Rhys was, he didn't even do much right till the end..." I wasn't defending him exactly, I felt like I was defending myself.

"No but when he did it was disgusting!" Said Elaine with steely eyes, "you promise me you'll never get wrapped up in someone like him again!" She said firmly, I couldn't help but smile and soften when I thought of Van.

"Never again," I smirked, wondering what Van would say if I ever told him about Danny. I hoped it wouldn't be much, but I had the feeling that wouldn't be the case.

"You know Mathew talks about your band a lot when he's here," she said suddenly, to a moment I thought she was changing the subject and then I realised, "He's got the hots for Saff I can tell, you should see them when they're in the same room as each other, his eyes follow her around the room you know..."

"Oh?" I asked a little surprised, this wasn't the kind of behaviour I'd have expected of Matty, not after the things Bondy and Van had told us at Isle of White. "But I'd be careful there you know, Mathews not perfect by any stretch of the imagination," she said suddenly talking on a surprising warning tone, the cheek of her making me laugh. in turn she laughed too, her eyes looking around the garden carefully, like she'd just said something rude. I suppose she had. "No, no, he's a lovely young man he really is, loves me and his mother dearly but... Hes different with girls, hasn't quite learned their worth yet... You know what he's like, he lives in a world of his own doesn't he..." She smiled trying to explain herself. "Hes lovely he really is but, he's not boyfriend material..."

"Right," I said with a smirk, about to say something before she cut me off once more.

"of course in sure a boyfriend isn't really what Saffron's looking for now anyway is it..." She trailed off and I couldn't work out what she meant.

"Well you know Saff," I sighed pouring another glass, I could feel the subject shifting back around to me and I wasn't sure how I felt about the question that was coming.

"And what about you... Its been awhile now..."

"Its not been that long," I said a little quieter, it hadn't been. I hadn't even know him that long.

"Oh sweetie it has," she said and I bit my lip.

"It was Christmas," I said looking into my glass, it still made me feel sick, still made me feel like I was falling a part.

"And soon it will be Christmas again, sweetheart you need to find yourself someone thats good for you," she smiled taking my hand in hers, she was sweet to say the least. "Youre a lovely girl Fliss, you shouldnt waste your time dwelling on old rubbish," I knew she was right, and I forced a smile as she spoke, wincing when I thought about the things which had happened, all the shit which had gone down.

"I'm not," I said with a new kind of a smile, a warmth running through me when Van came to mind. "I hardly think of him at all anymore," and it was true. There was only one lad who occupied the confines of my mind and I didnt mind him taking up my time. I just wished I could tell someone.