Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Fliss

Rosa looked beautiful. More than beautiful, she looked like she'd had all the joy in the world shot through her like heroin and now she was overflowing with it. Glowing was how my nana had put it.

She hadn't even looked nervous when she was waiting to walk down the aisle. She'd just been biting back this smile, bubbling over with excitement.
And now that the ceremony was over, she was beaming at everyone, telling them all that it was the best day of her life, thanking everyone for coming, gushing with happiness. She was the happiest person I'd ever seen and it was catching. So as i sat at a table next to my Nana, watching her dancing, all smiles and laughter, i felt myself mirroring her happiness, cheeks glowing as i sipped my wine and grinned at Van as he made his way back from the bar with a pint for himself and my cousin Lee.

"He's a lovely young man he is, I wish you'd brought him with you," smiled my nana pointing a little less than inconspicuously at Van who flashed a grin, blissfully unaware. I gave her one of those smiles, sort of smiling through the saddness I'd grown used to over the last year since she'd started to go downhill.

"I did bring him with me Nana," i said with a smile, laughing like she was just ditsy, letting her laugh like she was just being silly.

"Ohhh really?" her eyes lit up and she leant in clutching my wrist on the table, "is he your young man then?" she had one of those smiles my nana, she lit up all cheeky, mischevious, like she lit up on your secrets. I bit back a laugh, giggled along and shook my head.

"Yeah Nana," i grinned, "but don't tell anyone," i leant in, whispered to her all dramatic like, playing along, "we're keepin it all hush hush,"

"oh i see," her smile grew slowly, she sipped her wine and turned to me, "don't worry love i won't tell your mother," she shot me a wink as Van sat down with us and peered around the room.

"here this is dead posh int it," he grinned, "poshest do I've ever been i reckon,"

"That'll be me mams doing," i rolled my eyes and my Nana laughed along because she'd never understood it either. The way my mother had left my dad in a whirlwind attempt to change her identity, to change who she was and who we were.

To pretend we weren't just another family straight out the arse end of the mersey.

"I didnt realise you were so highclass," he flashed me a cheeky grin and i shot him a sarcastic one back.

"Have you met me," I smirked as i finished my drink and stood up. "Come on Nana lets have a dance," i said taking her hands and leading her to the dancefloor to dance to the only good song they'd played all night.

"Oh i love this song," she beamed as Elvis rung out through the room, "we used to dance to this when i was a girl," i smiled along swaying with the music, smiling over my shoulder at Van every now and then, watching who he was talking to, hoping he stayed in the safe corner of the room.

It wasn't that i was worried he would embarass me, or even himself, because there was nothing he could say about it being posh or fancy that could do that. It was that I didn't want him talking to my mum on his own, or to Rosa or Ronan, because he didn't know just how much of a double life i lead. He had no idea how little I'd tikd my family about my music, about the tour or the friends I had made at uni.
In truth I'd told them hardly anything at all.

"I bet this is the strangest birthday you ever had isnt it," my nana was smiling when she said it but there was something there in her voice that let me know she still hadn't forgiven Rosa for choosing my 18th as her wedding day. "Have you been to the bar yet? Shown them your ID,"

I grinned and shook my head.

"Its an open bar Nana, they haven't asked," i giggled, "but we can sneak away later find somewhere that will," i said knowing full well she'd forget long before we had a chance to.