Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Katie

"You've got to lift your little valuable head up, you've got to lift your little valuable head up," I sang along with the cd player quietly tapping my fingers in time, feet kicked up on the dashboard of the Jazz's brothers van. He was letting us borrow it for the summer and then possibly the winter too when we toured with the boys, but he said he had a feeling we wouldn't need it by then.

"This is such a tune," smiled Fliss with her eyes shut, smoking out the window, sunglasses pushing her hair from her face. We were parked up outside uni waiting for Saff, Alice and Jazz to finish for the day before we started the drive up to Liverpool, we had a support slot and a radio interview with the introducing station up there.

I was looking forward to being back on home soil, looking forward to seeing my old friends and the streets I'd spent my childhood grazing my knees on.

"007 says we should stop by Llandudno on the way back yous know," I smirked as Fliss flicked the ash from the tip of her cigarette and smiled.

"I bet he does," she said. It had been a little while since we'd last seen the boys, almost three weeks since she'd slipped into radio one and sung on one of their tracks. It had been hectic every day since that day, with the interest around Honeymoons growing more and more each day. The last venue we'd played had sold out, people featuring us on music blogs, playing our single on their stations. It was strange and I was beginning to feel a little swept up in it all. Even people at uni had started treating us slightly differently and I wasn't used to, or in favour of all the new attention my every move seemed to attract.

"We should go though," sighed fliss, it was one of those content sighs, nostalgia entwined as she too kicked her feet up on the dashboard and hummed along with the music. "Used go there loads as a little kid, there and rhyl, not exactly first class beach resort but its fun," she smiles, "and you'll get to see lover boy again," she teased flashing me a cheeky grin only giggling when she saw me screw my face up and shake my head.

"Fuck off fliss," I smiled softly lighting up a cigarette of my own.

"Oh come of it!" She giggled dismissing me once again.

"Me come of it? Youre the one that needs to come off it!" I retaliated with equally as gleefully tormenting a grin as this time her eyes widened and she attempted to appear nonchalant, tapping her ash out the window and popping her sunglasses over her eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she bit her lip and her sunglasses did little to conceal her expression as that slightly proud twinkle came back to sit pretty on her lips.

"Yes you do," I sang back pinching her cheek to nudge her into talking about the whole thing once again.

Fliss was the only one I could really talk about the lads with, to level I wanted to talk about them anyway. Alice could smirk and nod her head and say something like, "yeah the lads are class," but you could never quite be sure which lads she thought you were talking about.

Jazz would just shrug his shoulders, blow smoke through his nostrils and shake his head, he'd tell me to be careful and he'd tell me that no, he didn't know whether I should be so wound up over something so trivial, but that if he had to take a wild stab in the dark he'd say no.
Saffron always looked a little to wistful when I talked about Benji, like she was waiting for something to go wrong, like she was looking at me and Benji through the warped glasses she was also looking at her and Rhys through, and I didn't like the idea of putting the two on the same strange pedestal.

"Honestly I don't even know what to think about Van," yawned fliss in an attempt to have me believe that she really didn't care. "And yous know me, I said didn't I after Danny, whoevers next has to be the one cause theres way better things to do in life than constantly questioning whether you're with the right person..." she shrugged her shoulders and stubbing out her cigarette instantly lighting up another.

"Alright alright stop taking it out on your lungs," I teased watching as she took in another drag and turned the song up a little more.

"You and Benji though," she started with a tell tale smile, "I don't think you've got anythin to worry about really starshine," she smirked, "yous two are one an the same..."

"Is that not a bad thing?" I frowned, "aren't opposites meant to attract?"

"Thats just what the tories tell the general population to trick them into voting for them," she smirked back voice as dry as the smoke which left her every time she exhaled.

The drive up north was a long one and in the summer heat it was almost unbearably warm, my skin feeling sticky as I leant back in my seat and tried to get a little more comfortable.

"Are we nearly there yet?" Wined Jazz drawing an eye roll from fliss.

"It'll go so much quicker if you drive you know jazzy," she said trying her best to tempt him into a swapsies.

"No way man we agreed, I'll do the journey home cause you'll be too hungover..."

"Saff can do the journey home.." shrugged Fliss triggering an all out argument which would, in the end prove both futile and needless, because in lifes usual, funny way of doing things, we wouldn't be driving at all by the end of the weekend.
By the time we eventually got to Liverpool Jazz had agreed to swap with Fliss and Fliss was tucked up in the corner with Alice reading over her shoulder as Alice did her best scottish accent, reciting trainspotting for our entertainment.

The venue was nice, much bigger than any we'd ever played before and when I jumped out the back of the van I saw a small group of people camping out by the front doors so as they might get barrier.

Me and Fliss had done that the year before for the libertines, a gig which had as it so happened, almost killed us both. Still they were fond memories, the whole building shaking as a thousand teenagers lost their minds to Don't Look Back Into The Sun.

Jazz and the rest of the girls bar Fliss disappeared inside to start setting up, it was first on last off for soundcheck so we had around an hour before we actually had to be anywhere and so the two of us found a wall to sit on and smoke. My nerves were beginning to build now, my stomach flipping whenever I heard the echo of a kick drum from inside.

"So what is going on with yous two then?" Asked Fliss cocking her head to one side.

"I can't believe you're smoking again already," I breathed, even for Fliss this apparent chain smoking wasn't exactly normal.

"Nice diversion tactics sugarlamb," smirked blowing smoke in my face. I coughed and screwed my face up at her, trying my best to kill time before she expected a real answer.

"He's lovely Fliss," I smiled with a sigh, giving into her pressures.

"Yeah?" She smirked eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, but its still nothing you know? Nothings actually happened yet..."

"You know it doesn't look like that to everyone else, are you sure nothings happened?" She teased but her teasing only messed with my nerves more. I overthought benji often enough on my own, I didn't need any encouragement from her.

"Doesn't it?" I bit my lip chewing restlessly as I ran through all the times we'd spent together once again.

"No," she giggled, the sun was beating down on us but I wasn't fooled, there was grey on the horizon and the hairs on my arms bristled with the breeze. I could feel that twisty feeling in my nerves, like someone was fraying and braiding them into tight little plaits, like something horrible was just around the river bend.

"Oh," I breathed flicking my lighter on and off.

"You're nervous," stated fliss after a moments silence, letting the issue slip momentarily and she took out a different type of cigarette, "but I have the sedative," she winked handing it over so as I might pop it between my lips and put my lighter skills to good use.

"Thanks," I breathed out watching the tip smoulder.

"Benji likes you," she said softly offering me a small smile, "I know that you know that,"