Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Katie

"whats it gotta do with you? Whats it gotta do with me? How can I lose control when you're driving from the backseat?" the little ipad screen Saffy held between her hands pictured us in a fuzzy refracted blur. It was poorly lit and the sound crackled through a little broken, whether that was the wifi in our hotel or just the video, I wasn't sure, but it was strangely heartwarming to watch the five of us recorded like that. Glistening in sweat. Giddy smiles as Fliss sang and Saffy shook her hips about gleeful and manic. High as a kite probably.

It was a video taken from the first night the Catfish lads had ever seen us play and it was funny. The way we'd packed that tiny little venue out. It was funny to look back and remember how rough I'd felt. To compare how rough Id felt, to how I'd looked there. Because in the moment I'd looked just as blissful as they had.

"Oh my god look at that!" giggled Fliss reaching to point at something shadowed and blurred on the screen, "Thats Bondy int it!" she grinned.

Saff hit pause and bit her lip as she squinted at the shadow before letting out a laugh of her own pointing just to the left of his cap, "shit thats Larry what the fuck are they doing?"

Their arms were linked and laced raised above their heads, as if they were may day dancing or something strange like that. I bit my lip to hide my own smile, rolling my eyes when it occurred to me that that was probably exactly what they were doing. May day dancing around, "Vans in the middle of them, lookin right at the camer, look at him he knows they've been caught!" i smirked.

"Aye thats one cheeky wee smile that," grinned Jazz stretching over my shoulder to see the screen a little better.

It had been his idea to watch the old video back when Larry had sent it to us, now I felt like maybe I'd worked out why he'd sent it in the first place.

Usually Benji and Van would give us the don't bother watching your old videos back, you can tell how it went from the way it felt speech, but 3ven Ben had texted to ask if I'd seen it.

I was glad to be watching it now, seeing them clowning around had drawn a little smile on my lips. In truth it was a pleasant wave of nostalgia, to be reminded of where we'd come from and where we would be returning to.

Alex had been sorting us out a few little homecoming gigs for after Europe and the venues he'd listed had been cosy, small. They'd be the kind of venues with a local pub round the corner and a beer garden and the first signs of spring, the warmth of the sun in February. We'd be able to sit around in the garden smoking and drinking with Ru and Dylan and Gez and we'd feel like we were still just university students trying to kill time. And that would be nice.

I was looking forward to winding down.

It wasn't that I was sick of it, it wasn't even that I didnt like it. The big tours, the big venues, the big names. It was just that every now and then it made me a little homesick to remember what it used to be like.

"You know you look proper young Fliss," giggled Jazz drawing a soft smile on my lips because of course she shook her head quickly and gave him a shrug.

"Fuck off it was only last year!"

"Thats what Mandy does to you!" he giggled with her, pretending to fight, not realising the irony. He'd said she looked young but now they looked even younger together pushing eachother back and fourth and filling the room with swearwords and laughter. They made me feel young just to look at them.

"Ey ey come on now pipe down pipe down you bunch of loony toons," smiled Saff grabbing fliss by the scruff of her jumper pulling her back up and pointing at Van again. "The fuck is your boyfriend doing look at him, i mean... Look at him!" she exclaimed pointing to Van who was seemingly spinning slowly, like a little corkscrew getting lower and lower with each twist. He pinched his nose, like a scuber diver and as he did Bondy and Larry began to giggle, encouraging him with their strange watery movements.