Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Bondy

"Nah am not havin it! Its not on," Van was grumbling away into his beer bottle, Larry was chastising him for being his usual stubborn self.

"Give over you mard arse," chuckled Larry. He'd had a fight with management again and he wasn't letting it go.

"Am not being a mard arse how would you feel if they were doin it to you!" he cried gesticulating all over the shop so that I was forced to bite back a laugh for fear of having his temper redirected at me.

"Look mate what was all that yous were sayin to Fliss on the phone eh, where'd you shove all that while we werent lookin?" cut in Blakes. It was a brave move, i was quietly impressed.

"Exactly! She was in a right panic when I called for that very fuckin reason, and am here tryna reassure her an calm her down like and me own fuckin management wanna start chimin in with their sexist 10pence!" his cheeks were flushed, i could tell he was getting a little too wound up but there was nothing i could say to calm him down because as far as i was concerned he was right. It was ridiculous and as far as we'd ever thought, we'd moved on from this. It had stopped being a problem when Andy stopped being a problem.

Apparently not.

"It'll pass," said Bob but today even he didn't look like he believed it and so I let out a sigh.

"Let's just try finish Mission rate, call it a day an get some smoke in," I yawned forcing myself up from where I sat, picking my guitar up and wandering back downstairs into the studio to plug in and play up for Van. Try to get him to focus his attentions on other things.

And it worked for awhile, we all came down, Bob got back on the drums and Blakes picked up his bass and when Van finally picked up the microphone we sounded better. Actually he sounded dead agressive, more passionate than he had in awhile, as if the emotion  he was trying to stitch into this song was genuine for once, not just him trying his best to recreate something he'd felt two years ago, but had forgotten since he'd met Fliss.

Perhaps this one wasn't about Fliss either but you could hear her in his voice, that shredded tone, that was the raw way he felt for her in that moment and I couldn't help but be relieved we might be finally seeing him on his way up again.

Truth was he hadn't been the same since the split, even if he seemed it to everyone else. Even with his happy go lucky, his cheesy grins and his wind up merchant streak. Even if theyd all seemed to still be there, they were just an act and it was only really me and the lads who had come to learn that. His mam and dad had known, then again they knew him better than anyone else. They'd said they'd seen it coming, but we hadn't. Van hadn't. It had knocked him for six and it was only as I was watching him throw himself into this final recording that I felt the weight off my shoulders. Fliss had lit him up again, even if he wasn't happy now he was passionate. He'd sprung back to life like an elastic band snapping.

When he spat the last line I cracked a grin, pulled him into a hug the two of us jumping up and down like mad men.

"that was class mate that was fuckin class!" he grinned and he beamed back at me ecstatic too.

"i know," i smiled pushing his hair from his face setting the microphone down.

Larry laughed, "we shoulda left it recording that bit, the girls woulda thought yous were so cute," he winked leaving the two of us dramatically coughing, making a show of being manly, playing up to his joke. Giving up and laughing again, over the moon that this record was finally coming together.

And then the pints were poured and although we'd intended to set down our instruments for the evening and unwind Van kept his guitar in his lap and so did I whilst we grew progressively mors drunk and our finger picking progressively more sloppy.

"So Johnny mate when are we gonna get a love song from you," winked Larry giggling before he'd even finished the line. I just rolled my eyes, smirked and shied away from the subject I knew he was trying to imply.

"Fuckin never," i chuckled, "fuck off," i laughed shaking my head.

"Ah give over mate, you're head over heels we at least deserve some wanky tears for fears cover," sniggered Bob surprising me because he was usually first to jump to my defense.

"How I feel doesnt really come into it," i shrugged them off, "its her feelins that count," i was hoping that would be all i had to say to make them shut up with all their teasing. The way they thought they were encouraging me when in reality they were not.

"And she feels the same, i thought we'd already established that!" cried Van, it was almost as if his despair centered around me and Saff making it. I knew it didn't but his flushed frustrated features said otherwise and made me laugh again.

"Alright alright calm down" i grinned at him, taking a swig of my 5th pint before slurring out my reasoning. Wincing when I remembered my conversation with Healy the other night. "She's sleepin with Healy int she," i shrugged and they frowned and Van looked a little sickened which made me laugh because anyone would have thought he was more upset than I was.

"Fuck off is she!" exclaimed Larry, genuinely quite surprised though i wasnt sure why.

"She was shaggin him before the America tour wasn't she why are yous all so surprised," i smirked though I was only trying to mask my own feelings of shock. After everything she'd said in America I'd thought she was finally done with that kind of thing. With going back to men who didn't really care, who were going to neglect her and let her feel second best.

"Yeah but that was ages ago!"

"How dya know she's shaggin him again?" frowned Bob, as if he'd thought of something the rest of us hadn't, but he hadn't.

"She fell asleep on the phone to me the other night, and he came in onto their bus, told me he'd tuck her in for me, winked an everything it was actually really fuckin weird..."

"So Saff was asleep..." said Bob with a small smirk on his lips, "and she didn't see her wake up and go off with him..."

"No but when he first came in he knelt down and kissed her... No one does that to someone unless they're..."

"A bit of a perv?" smirked Blake following Bob. I frowned. Shook my head a little too enthused by the drink and the weight off my chest for finally whinging to someone.

"I was gonna say together... Hes a bit sleezy but he int that bad!" i tried to defend him though it would have been easier to believe Saff hadn't wanted his affections. "nah they're together theyve gotta be." i said finally but the look on my friends faces told me not to be an idiot.

And then Van shrugged his shoulders and surprised me by saying something I'd never have thought he'd suggest. Not in a million years.

"So what," he said plainly, he was drunk, perhaps he wouldn't have said it if he wasn't drunk. "You know you'd be better for her, he's not your mate..." he trailed off waiting for the rest of us to agree, but in the first moment we were all a little too stunned.

"Fuck me an to think girls think thst you're the sweet one," laughed Larry breaking the tension I hadn't realised had built up.

"Well I'm right aren't I, she'd be a million times better off with our Bondy!" he cried in his own defense, getting more irate when we all started laughing at him, teasing him, trying to wind him up.

I just sat back, relieved the attention had finally been shifted away from me. Still i couldnt stop lingering around what he'd said.

He was right, I'd treat her a million times better than Healy ever would, but it wasn't up to me.
That was all there was to it.

Saffron had to make that decision for herself.