Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Katie

"For the love of god who the fuck put this on again?" groaned Jazz pushing himself up from the sofa he'd sunk into. A ripple of not me's went round the room, though neither Johnny nor Saff felt the need to answer his question because it was obvious neither of them would have queued something like Northside.

I flashed him a grin, held my nose with my fingers and started impersonating our best friend, the way she'd wander round our house nodding her head to this song, singing along.

"Just do your 9 to 5 without a care, what comes up must come down like gravity and the weight of air," i tried to push the words through my nose and draw a laugh from Jazz, though the laugh came from Van and Larry instead. Van doing his best to join in with me and my through the nose singing.

"Ben..." started Larry turning slowly to his friend because this was one of those songs me and him had argued about once before. One of the songs he liked to put on in the care on long journeys knowing full well it did my head in. But bet just threw his hands up in the air and shook his head.

"Don't look at me..." he shrugged looking to me for help but Saffy cut me off with that before I could get the name out.

"It'll be Fliss, she loves this song, for the love of god please don't ask me why..." she sighed leaning back into her chair and when Bondy only vaguely looked in her direction, when he only looked as though he was contemplating saying something like "why?" with a little smirk to rile her, instead of just asking. That was the first sign I had that things weren't quite alright.

They'd been gone along time the night before, after the show in Paris when we were all watching Noels set and they'd disappeared outside for a smoke. It had been the longest cigarette in a decade that much was certain, but upon their return neither of them had really given us any indication that things between them had changed.

I could tell that something had happened but nothing, so far as I could see, had changed between them.

They still sat a little too close for just friends, they still shared those same silent conversations as before. But something about them was off and though I hadnt been able to work out what before, in that moment I had.

He wasn't making her smile the way he usually could. He wasn't even trying.

I looked between them both with a little frown, stirring my drink with my little finger, sitting down between Ben and the arm of the settee.

We were due on stage for the final night of the Noel tour and though I'd only told Fliss what I was thinking about doing, though I wasn't even sure I was going to do it at all, I was preparing myself on the off chance that when we got out there, adrenaline might take me by surprise and propel me into something my sober mind couldn't handle.

"Going hard for the last night ey Kitkat?" nodded Bondy to the three drinks I was balancing inbeteen my hands. One of them was for Saffy but he was right, two of them were mine.

"Gotta go hard every once in awhile," i shrugged and he smirked but the light in his eyes flickered and wavered and I could tell that he wasn't really feeling things the way he was trying to lead everybody to believe that he was.

He looked like he needed to go home. Not like he wanted to. He looked like he wanted to stay with us a little longer than he'd actually be able to, he looked like he wanted to stay woth Saff until everything between them was exactly as everyone wanted it to be. But there was a tiredness to him, a sorrow subtle but lingering their in the blue of his eyes when they caught the light from certain, watery angles.

And the way he looked at Saff when he thought nobody else was looking. Actually that look broke my heart a little.

Not because he looked heartbroken but because he was simmering with so many contradictory thoughts. He was simmering with a want for her, a pride in her, a shyness which was new but definitely for her. He looked like he was caught between slipping his hand into hers or turning away, shifting away from her along the settee and giving her space.