Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Van

I watched her walk away with a frown on my face, she'd mouthed sorry as if she hadn't had a choice, but she had. She could have told him to wait.

It felt strange, like every time she turned away she was letting me down, like every time he ever asked for her, she'd go running to him. If I'd asked her to stay just now she'd have slipped from my fingers without a second thought.

I lit up another cigarette, I wasn't ready to go back inside.

For a moment or two it was quiet, I could hear the sound of car horns on the main road, and the breeze was gentle, leaves rustled, the sun going down over flat roofs. I watched the back door hoping that Fliss would return, but she didn't and then, from a window just above my head I heard familiar voices, and my heart began to sink.

"You weren't going to tell him about us were you?"

I held my breath then, watched wasted cigarette smoke fall from my lips, as I froze.

"Its just that band//crew relationships are strictly forbidden under this management, it would be very unprofessional for you to be involved in one, and well you'd have let your whole band down if you got them all fired, just for one tiny mistake..." his voice seemed to bounce of the walls, sinister as you like, my insides began to twist uncomfortably and I felt a nauseous lump in my throat.

Fliss wasn't saying anything, she'd been silent the whole time and suddenly I felt extremely stupid.

When I'd told her not to mess around with Andy, when I'd told her he was worse than she knew, this had been what I'd meant. I'd seen him at work with other girls, I'd seen the way he used his power to manipulate and twist a situation, to force people into doing as he wanted them too.
I couldn't believe I hadn't guessed, I couldn't believe I hadn't thought about things a little longer before I'd layed into her and said all those stupid things.

She'd spent days torn up about this and I'd let her.

"I don't want a band// crew relationship Andy..." when her voice finally broke through it was too late, I could feel myself shaking with the sickening anger that was slowly but surely taking over my body.

I sucked in another drag of my cigarette and then with the words, "Too bad sunbeam, thats what youre getting," I dropped it and slammed the back door, hoping that the noise might startle him and give me a few moments extra to find them.

I turned left down the corridor, opening and closing doors, hoping to find them but every room I tried was empty, and when I reached a dead end it was all I could do but stand there completely confused.

"Van!" Bondys voice snapped me from my thoughts, "Van cmon we're leavin, wanna get back to the bus an start on a bottle of wine..." he called Saffron and Bob joining him at the other end of the corridor.

"Yeah gimme a minute, have yous seen Fliss?" I called back, my heart still racing at the thought that somewhere something horrible might be happening to her and there was nothing I could do about it.

"No la thought she was with you," he replied mirroring my frown for different reasons.

"I'll see yous back at the hotel then mate, gonna keep looking for her,"

"Shes probably already back at the hotel Van..." called Saff, "she was on the verge of a comedown..." but her words only made me feel worse, more desperate to find her.

"I'll see you later," I called after them both, watching as their shadows disappeared round the corner, their conversation echoing quieter as they left the building.

I turned back on my heel, opening and closing doors, they all looked like offices, some of them waiting rooms with glass panels in the walls where they lead to more offices.