Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Katie

I tapped my ciggarette out the window and exhaled, watching the smoke trail along the side of the bus as we trundled down a quieter road.
Bondy kept saying we were out in the sticks, said we should make the most of the fresh air again, but I was scared a little taste of quiet might leave me feeling even more claustrophobic when we got to the next state.

"You'll probably like California best," mused Blakes sitting down beside me as he carried on talking to Ally. He left his hand lingering on my knee, sipped his tea and smirked. "Good weed in California,"

"Lotta girls an all," winked Larry teasing her a little more than perhaps he should have. She shot him a sarcastic smile back, sticking her middle finger up at him from over the rim of her tea, laughing when he Bondy wrapped his arms around her and patted her head.

"Don't you listen to Larry princess youre a strong independent young woman and you don't need a significant other to feel valued,"

"Cheers Johnny," she said dryly, "I feel so much better now,"

He grinned slipping in beside her. I leant my head on Benjis shoulder and then the room fell quiet as Fliss walked in.
She had red eyes, red round her irises, the whites all tinged pink, her pupils bruised and wounded.
She put the kettle on and made a brew and did her best to avoid our gaze. When Van walked in she left.

"She's been crying again," I said quietly stirring my tea.

"No shit," said Ally bitterly before shooting me an apologetic smile, shaking her head and lighting up. "She hasn't stopped for days you know,"

"I know," said Van, his eyes were much the same though, bruised. His eyelashes were snapped and scruffy and when he looked up at me I could tell he was blaming himself for the state of her.

"Did she tell you what was wrong? The other night?" I asked but he shook his head and stood up.

"I already told yous didnt I," he shrugged shoving his hands in his pockets, turning his back on us and going back to bed. "I don't know,"

Bondy let out a sigh and then laughed a bit.

"Better be some really fuckin good weed 'ant it Benji," Blakes grinned back at him and shook his head.

"Gonna have to be somet good ay," nodded Larry before he too left and it remained just the five of us, me, Bondy, Blakes, Ally and Saff all just sitting around with sleepy eyes.

"How long have we got to spend on this bloody bus?" Sighed Saffron suddenly slumping down onto the table.

"Fuckin ages yet love," said Bondy his hand in her hair, "have another ciggy you'll feel better,"

"Ta," she smiled softly allowing him to light up for her, I watched her inhale and exhale and then I watched her do it all over again. And thats how we spent the rest of the journey to California, and when we got there it was almost surreal, because the sun was shining and it warmed you through the moment you stepped into its light, but under its yellow glow Fliss looked unnatural. It highlighted how pale she'd become, how her freckles had faded out, how her eyes must have stung every time she blinked away the sunlight.

I wanted ever so desperately to talk to her, to have her open up to me and tell me what was wrong, but she wouldn't talk to anyone.

"I'm worried about her..." said Blakes later that afternoon joining me on the settee in the hotel lobby.
We were waiting for the rest of the band to get ready. They had interviews this afternoon and then a gig that night. We were supposed to have interviews too, but if Fliss wasn't talking I wasn't sure who they were expecting to speak to anymore.