Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Saffron

We'd been walking awhile when I finally began to recognise where we were again. I'd always sort of known where I was going, despite what Bondy may have thought when I lead him away from the road and down a little dirt path which lead along the outline of the forest, skirting around farms, cutting through fields of wheat and corn.

"And I don't know," he yawned, "I don't think I've been home, you know properly home like for five years now, and yous don't even get Christmas off you know, cause all the radios want you for their Christmas specials," we'd been talking about nothing at first but somehow we'd drifted back to the same thing we always seemed to talk about, touring, leaving home. "Its alright at first like, and when we first left i was the same as Van you know like I had a reason for wanting to escape for awhile, but its you know, I don't think i can explain it without sounding like a right knob,"

"you don't," i cut him off without realising I'd done it. Almost embarassed that I had done it.

"don't I?" he smirked sceptical at best.

"No," i shrugged, "not really," i was picking my words carefully as i picked my way through thicker greenery, pushing the branches of a tree asside, the spray of leaves brushing my cheek as I squeezed through the gap. "Its like touring with you, i needed to leave for awhile and you were smart about it when you told me why, but its not a nice environment is it, trapped on a little bus and you know, every nights a bit repetitive, and the people youre with, its not how Van says it in interviews, you're not all one happy family, its all pretence..."

When i looked up he had a small smile on his face.

"Nice to know I'm not the only knobhead," he pulled a face. I pulled a face. We shared a laugh and then he sighed. "Its like what happened with Andy and Fliss you know, i feel fuckin awful about that like,"

"That wasn't your fault..." i started but he cut me off quickly. He knew that. Of course he knew that. I felt a little stupid for even saying it. I hadn't really needed to say it.

"We sold yous such a lie, and all that shit i said to you about getting away from Rhys, its all shite int it like, i just taught you to ignore the future, do what i do, pretend its not real, pretend you don't have to go home like and then when you do nothing changes, you fall back into the same routine... "

"I didnt though," i said chewing my cheek, "it was different the second time,"

"I know," he said, he'd been speaking softly, almost lackadaisical, but now he seemed to mumble, now he seemed uncertain. It hadn't really mattered what he'd been saying before but now it did and he'd trailed off. "I know pet but I still feel like we sold yous on a lie with it all, made out like touring was the time of your life, as if its all idyllic and its not,"

"Nothing is," i shrugged, something else i didnt really need to say.

"Runnin through this field if wheat would be," he said, his tone changing instantly, the cheek coming back to him. The crooked, lazy smile. The something sparking up behind his eyes again. I hadn't noticed it had gone until it had come back.

"You wanna Theresa May it?" suddenly the something sparking uo behind my eyes was back too. I wondered if he'd noticed when it left, or when it came back. He flashed me a smile. I couldn't tell. "If you lose you're,"

"A massive fucking Tory!" he yelled already shooting off ahead of me though I caught up quickly, knowing Id never win, reaching out, diving to clutch at the collar of his jacket, pulling him down with me as I fell into the long grass, bits of seed in both our hairs. We'd spend the rest of the day picking them out of our center partings and flicking them at eachother. Trying to drop them in eachothers ears.