Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Fliss

It had been a slow morning and an easy afternoon and as evening was wiled away eating beans on toast in the back garden our plans started to shift towards what we would do that night.

"pub?" Larry had shrugged, and we'd all ruminated around the pub for half an hour. The lads all saying this and that about how they always missed the pub when they were away.
And then they started talking about this and that and all the rest of the things they missed when they went away.

And then Larry got a text and any consideration theyd had for the pub was quickly replaced because it was Rosie Deans engagement party and Rosie Dean had always been a right laugh.

"she were Blakes year want she?"

"no Van you daft prick she was our year, yous used sit next to her in maths for christ sakes," sniggered Larry.

"she was datin Joe from Blakes year,"

"is she marrying Joe from Blakes year?" asked Bondy a frown and a smirk because why else would that detail have been relevent.

"i dont know do i?" grinned Larry getting a little irate, "Soph jus says she's gettin married..."

"knowin this town she'll be marrying Joes cousin cause they were having an affair an now she's got one in the oven," shrugged Bob who I'd imagine was in a daydream and not in fact lietening as intently as he had been.

So after much deliberation and debate about who Rosie Dean was marrying and what year she'd been in school, who it was she'd dated and hated, it was decided that we were all invited through Larrys little cousin Sophie, to Rosie Deans engagement party which would be down the village hall and we didn't need to check because that was the only place anyone ever threw a party in Llany D.

"Bondy fetch the beer!!" Van shouted in through the back door as he messed around with a little blutooth speaker and turned the volume up on the strokes. "canna turn up sober can we," he shrugged to Saffron when he saw her watching him over the joint she was rolling with a smirk.

"You're not sober," hummed his Dad with a smirk of his own as he took a beer out of Bondys crate and kicked back in a seat next to his son.

"so Mickey Deans lass is getting married ey, good on her she's a lovely lass that Rosie,"

"ay yeah she was a laugh," nodded Van tipping his head back to neck half his beer in one. "bit like you actually Fliss, bit of a wind up like," he grinned knowing exactly how to push my buttons.

"i am not a wind up!" i cried out, laughing into my own drink, rolling my eyes when they all started joining in and the only thing that could save me was Bernie leaning back, lighting up a cig and sighing.

"i dont know ey, feels like only yesterday i was drivin yous down the feathers with all your second hand gear in the back wi Blakes and Larry, an now look at yous, you're all grown up and your mates from school are off getting married, it'll be one of yous lot next and then what will we do ey?"

"ahhh calm down dad," sniggered Van, "its hardly gonna be one of us is it,"

"oh i don't know, if it's one of us it'll be Blakes," chuckled Larry, "but its never gonna be you is it Van," he grinned, "scruffy little rotter int he Bernie," he carried on laughing getting Van in the ribs with his elbow.

"ahh get t..." started Van censoring himself when he saw his mum in the doorway. Her eyes glistening with nostalgia.

"Rosie Deans getting married?!" she asked, "oh god whatever next i remember when she was only this tall!" she beamed, "are you going to the party? Oh are you taking the girls? That'll be lovely won't it, you'll have a great night girls, the Welsh know how to throw a party," she smiled at us, she'd only come out to offer a brew but we didn't need sobering yet.

"yeah," i grinned thinking of my dad, the home I'd almost grown up in, "i know,"

"oh love i saw your dad this morning down the shops," she said coming to sit down beside me, the warmth exuding from her contradictory to the subject matter she was approaching. "he was askin after yous wondering if youve got any gigs coming up round our way?"

I smiled sheepishly feeling a little shy, looking down at my lap and the beer in my hands, hoping that Van or Saff would cut in and save me.

"oh i don't know actually, we're a bit quiet since we got back from America, I'll let you know though," i tried for a smile, "how was he?" i felt strange asking about him when all i really wanted to do was to ask him myself. I felt like i was intruding, felt like i was breaking some kind of secret law, though there was nothing really to say that i couldn't in fact go and see him.

Still i didnt ask.

"well he always asks after you, and you know he comes round on Mondays... You could stay an extra day or two shug, im sure he'd love to see you, then he could ask you all these daft questions himself," she offered me a small smile, one of those warm smiles I'm told only a mother can give. Though I'd never seen one from my own.

But i didn't need to find a distraction because no sooner had i opened my mouth to speak had Saffy grabbed my hand, and i was swept up in the departure and the goodbyes before the walk to thr village hall and Rosie Deans engagement party.

We walked down the hill from Vans front door like a bunch of teenagers on the last day of school, hyped up and exciteable, running to catch up with eachother. Jumping on eachothers backs stumbling piggy backs, giggling and laughing along as we knocked into one another, sharing cigs and drinks and shouting stupid shit down the street.

I walked with a cig between my lips, with one hand in my pocket, the other pushing my hair from my eyes as i looked out at the sun going down over the houses below.

I felt strangely youthful, strangely out of my depth and yet strangely warm and glowing. I could feel the smile on my lips and the dent inlt left in my dimples as i exhaled and grinned at Van as he jogged up to walk beside me, his arm thrown absent mindedly across my shoulders.

"alright darlin," he said stealing my lighter from my pocket.

"i am havin a nice time yeah," i smiled at him, my voice drifting serene. "are you... Darlin?" i grinned with a teasing edge.

"aye yeah am sound," he breathed exhaling smoke, it clouding above our heads, "hears yous talking to me mam earlier... You gonna stay an extra day, meet your dad like?"

I smiled at the ground self aware again though id known his question was coming.

"yeah i mean, i don't know... Do you think i should?"

"He's your dad love... Its up to you," he shrugged.

"i know," i shrugged my expression mirroring his, care masked with a smile. "its just a lot to make up for isnt it, 12 years like..."

"yeah," he sighed, "i don't know love i don't know what its like and i don't wanna pretend to... But i know when yous were dead ill last month in America and you had that fever, you weren't askin for your mam like, you were askin for him..."

"so you think i should?"

"i think he made you happy once," he said drawing in a long drag, watching the others still pissing around a little way ahead as he blew out smoke and squeezed me a little bit closer to him.

"He still does, i think... And well you know, mam let us believe like he was dead for so long... And i mean, i wanna know why like, i wanna know what happened there,"

"Then yous should see him shouldn't yous," smiled Van trying his best to be encouraging though i could tell that he too felt more than a little out of depth, "stay an extra day an I'll drive you back Tuesday, it'll be sound,"

I bit back a smile, not wanting to show him how thrilled i really was by his offer. By how easy he'd made it for me.

"come on," i grinned up at him, slipping from his arm around my shoulders and out of his reach, reaching for his hand and tugging him along to catch up with the others. "we're supposed to be going to a party. We can save the deep chats for 4am when one of us has jus been sick and the others holding back their hair," i teased only joking. Laughing along when he shot back.

"so you you mean. Youll be being sick," he chuckled and i giggled along though neither of us could have guessed just how right i was going to be.