Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Bondy

I didn't sleep that night because I couldn't and when morning light tickled the carpet through our closed curtains I struggled with the urge to go tapping on Bobs bedroom door and wake him up knowing that he was the only person I was going to get any good advice from.

It wasn't so much as what she'd said which had lingered on my mind, had me starring up at the cieling, struggling to ignore her sleeping figure lying peacefully beside me. It was how she'd said it. The way she'd woken up, thought she was waking me up, to tell me.
The way she'd mumbled it just like that, her last words before she'd passed out, nuzzled into my chest, as if it were the most important information in the world. As if not telling me then meant not telling me ever.

I rolled over, chest aching to turn my back on her. She was pretty when she slept though I could guarantee she'd argue back. Probably hate the way she slept with her mouth open, probably hate the way she mumbled in her sleep sometimes.
I wondered if she ever mumbled about me.

"Fuck sake," i breathed checking the time on my phone. Only 6am but it was 6am which had rolled round too soon because I was caught in a dilema and I needed more time.

I needed time to think and I'd never felt so cautious about anyone in my life.

"Lou," i yawned into the phone, pulling myself away from the bed and out onto the balcony, closing the door behind me, lighting up a cigarette.

My best mate was yawning on the other end of the line, "aight mate?" he groaned half asleep, half hating me for calling him at a time like this.  "Wait a minute, wait a minute!" he started slowly coming to life, slowly beginning to realise, "I thought yous were meant be goin into quarantine! This isn't quarantine, whatre you doin! This isnt part of the authentic catfish and the bottlemen experience!" he cried a little offended, i was struggling to blink my way through his sudden outburst. Struggling not to laugh and then laughing a little anyway.

"Yeah well we put our musical pathogens on hold had a bit of an incident to attend to..." i sighed, thinking of poor saffy in the hospital with all those chemicals inside her and no clue what to do.

Id been sick with worry for two days straight and now I had her, safe by my side i was hiding out on the balcony trying to pour my heart out to Louis so that I'd find it easier to hold my tongue later when it was just me and her again. Alone together again. When the words I love you were threatening me again and again and again.

"Shit man are yous all..."

"Yeah yeah its sound, its sound, Saff got spiked and rushed to hospital and, well you know Van and Ben didn't want to leave the girls on their own did they..." i wasnt sure why i was lying to Lou, i wasn't sure why i was trying to skirt around the truth. Wasn't sure what there was to hide from him, wasnt sure what the point in trying to hide anything from him was when he knew me so well and could read between my lies as it were. Work me out.

"You mean Saff the girl..." he smirked almost teasing.

"Lou mate," i said quietly, self aware smirk, "I'm in so deep," i chuckled at myself, despairing, shaking my head, laughing into my sleeve when he started singing the cranberries in his scratchy, melodramatic morning voice. "ahh shut the fuck up man this is serious," i grinned but I didnt really want him to stop. If Louis kept joking we could both pretend it wasn't really serious at all.

He laughed, "This the same girl, whatsername Sapphire?" he asked, i pictured him frowning wondered whether he was trying to wind me up or make me laugh. Wondered whether he was simply trying to make me say her name, torture me.

"Saffron," i yawned too, his lethargy and my lack of sleep mixing up a dangerous concoction.

"Thats the one," he grinned, waking up a little more, "the girl from the band, the blonde bombshell, the hippies daughter from somewhere, somewhere in a field in hampshire..."